


Where the Heart Lies

by mjeanuniverse



Series: Thorin and Fili's post BOFA love story [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Post BoFA, The Durin's survive, Uncle/Nephew Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-09
Updated: 2015-10-10
Packaged: 2018-03-29 18:23:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 19,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3906172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mjeanuniverse/pseuds/mjeanuniverse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The BOFA is over.  All the sons of Durin survive.  Thorin is King Under the Mountain.  Kili has left with a pair of elves. Fili lies in a coma.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Aye, that he has

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CalamityKitten (KirstRavensoul)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KirstRavensoul/gifts).



> This is a love story between Thorin and Fili. I mention Kili and an elf maid, but if you are a fan of THAT plot line from the movies, please, please move on, as this fic is NOT for you. You will NOT like this fic and my take on that relationship, trust me. I image this fic will be about 3-4 chapters long and I am writing it as a gift to another member of this site. So I hope that CalamityKitten likes it and is not scared off from reading it as it makes mention to a certain elf maid, but never names her. I felt I needed to explain where Kili is so that I can get to the relationship between Thorin and Fili. Here goes....

Thorin, the newly crowned King Under the Mountain, sighs heavily as he hears the rather disappointing update from Oin and the other dwarven healers from the Iron Hills about his blonde crown prince and heir, Fili. Thorin, son of Thrain, gransdson of Thror, is truly and decidedly the uncontested King of the Dwarrow once again in the grand mountain halls of Erebor in the Lonely Mountain. He is so happy to see the dwarves returning from all corners of Middle Earth to their mountain home, but his heart clenches at the news that while his heir is now longer in imminent danger of dying, the blonde’s condition is not improving. 

‘The lad SHOULD be waking up. His injuries were so severe, but I would have expected him to start to coming round by now. ‘The black haired dwarven head healer from the Iron Hills says carefully. All the healers have worked around the clock to ensure the survival of the crown prince. Even enlisting the help of the elven healers when it had looked as if the blonde would succumb to his battle injuries where Azog had run him through from behind, the crushing injuries from his fall, and then, the horrendous infections that followed. 

When Thorin does not respond, Oin interjects in a sad, quiet voice, ‘The fever could have damaged his brain beyond repair.’ The King Under the Mountain cannot stem the tears that spring to his eyes at the statement and turns quickly so that the healers do not see him cry. 

Not trusting his voice, he waves a hand to dismiss them. Hearing the shuffling of boots on the stone floor and the retreating footfalls, Thorin bows into his grief. Fili, his precious sister son, his HEIR, the lad he has shaped and molded to be king from the day of his birth may NEVER regain consciousness? The pain and injustice of that possibility overwhelms the king, and he falls to his knees, sobbing quietly. 

‘The lad is strong and stubborn. Time will tell.’ 

Thorin starts violently. He had not known that Oin had not left with the others, but Oin knows his cousin, the king, and he will not let Thorin crumble to grief alone. 

‘I never told him how PROUD I am of him. Never showed him the love and affection I feel for him as could with his brother. And now….NOW, he may NEVER know.’ Thorin chokes the words he is loath to say, to voice the fear he has harbored since he watched in horror as that monster Azog held the crown prince aloft on Ravenhill, the fear that he would never be able to demonstrate his true feelings for his blonde nephew. 

‘If only his brother…,’ at this Thorin falters and fairly spits the next words out, ‘If his BROTHER had only gone to check on him, Kili could have, SHOULD have gotten his brother to safety before the infection set in.’ Shaking with rage at the thought of his youngest nephew’s actions in the battle, the king balls his hands into fists. 

‘Well, what would you expect from Kili, really?’ Oin says, looking away from Thorin’s fury. ‘The lad has never had a second thought for anyone but himself his whole life. He was TAUGHT that only his opinion and what HE wants, matters and that the rest of Middle Earth be damned. You cannot really blame him for his actions now.’ 

Heaving a great sigh, Thorin nods at his cousin’s words. Oin is right. It is plain as the nose of a dwarf’s face now, but Thorin had never given much thought to Kili’s petulance, his foolish bravado, his recklessness. Along with most others in Ered Luin, the king had coddled and indulged his youngest nephew to the point of spoiling him beyond repair. 

The lad’s mother, Dis, had absolutely doted on Kili. When the boys’ father, Fethrin, had died defending the village from an orc raid, Kili had been quite small, a toddler. Dis had secured herself and her youngest dwarfling deep in the Blue Mountains’ most remote halls for months following the funeral. She had left behind her eldest son, Fili, as he shared the same blonde hair as his father, and it was too painful for her to be around him. 

In her absence, Thorin had stepped in as Fili only parent figure, and the king wanted to ensure his heir would be well prepared to take up the mantle of being king one day. Fili’s training started at a very early age, and the pressure was endless.

Kili’s training, on the other hand, was completely different. Dis was never the same once she reemerged from deep in the mountain half a year later. She was a frail shell of her former self, constantly keeping her baby, Kili close to her side. Kili was trained in combat of course, but he never got the benefit of time and attention from Thorin in a meaningful way. Dis would not allow Thorin or any dwarf to punish or correct the lad. Not wanting to risk further damage to his sister, Thorin had followed her lead when it came to his youngest nephew. The king figured, he had Fili after all. Why would he need Kili to behave and act like a mature dwarf?

Well, that question has been asked and answered Thorin thinks bitterly. Fili NEEDED his brother to have checked on him after Azog had stabbed the blonde and dropped him from a great height. Granted one surely could have assumed Fili was dead, but his brother did NOT even check, did NOT even pause before running to do what exactly? Thorin had ORDERED the brothers not to engage, but to reconnoiter and return. Fili, in an attempt to save his brother and uncle had shouted for them to run. And what had reckless, thoughtless Kili done? He had run to fight a horde of orcs by himself. Brilliant. 

Kili failed both his uncle and his brother. Fili was NOT dead, but gravely injured and his brother had left him lying in the snow without bothering to make sure of his condition or to even remove his brother’s torn body from the field. By choosing to not return to his uncle, Kili had left the king more vulnerable to Azog’s attack. Yes, Thorin thinks sourly, Kili chose the wrong course of action time and time again during the journey and the battle, but shit, Thorin realizes now he is a not the greatest role model in good decision making, frankly. 

‘I can’t say that I understand WHAT the lad sees in that elf.’ Oin muses, pulling Thorin back to the present. Ah, and then there is the elf, the captain of the guard of the Woodland Realm who had imprisoned them for what? Walking on the road running through Mirkwood? Since when did that become a crime punishable by imprisonment? 

Well, if Thorin was honest with himself, he would have to say the elven king, Thranduil had imprisoned them, not the elf maid, but she turns her back on her own kind after what, one conversation with his impish nephew? The same said nephew, who tried to woo her by prompting her to search his trousers? What kind of professional soldier would do that? By Mahal’s beard and hammer, what a pair of fuckwits! 

It is little wonder that when Thranduil’s son, Legolas, left in search of a teenaged human boy in Rivendale that the elf maid followed him. And she was followed by his nephew, Kili. Thorin wonders if the elf prince and his sister son will SHARE the elf maid, but frankly, he does NOT give a fuck. His youngest nephew's impulsive and selfish behavior had always been nothing more than troublesome, but the youth’s actions that day left his brother at death’s door. 

When Kili had left his severely injured brother lying alone in the snow, Fili had lost an incredible amount of blood. It was actually a blessing in disguise that the ground was covered in snow, as the cold and snowfall kept Fili from bleeding to death immediately and helped protect his vital organs, but the time wasted before he received medical treatment, cost Fili sorely. Infection from Azog’s blade had a chance to take a murderous hold before the terrible wound could to be cleaned and tended. Unbelievably, Kili had stepped over his brother’s body twice that day, once to run up the stairs and again on the way down, arm and arm with the elf maid. Twice!! 

Had Thranduil, THRANDUIL of all kinds, not stooped to inspect Fili’s supine, lifeless form in the snow, the crown prince of Erebor, would have died right there. But no, Thranduil HAD checked, most likely, to simply bring a fallen warrior from the field of battle after the eagles arrived on the scene. When Thranduil had found the blonde barely clinging to life, the elf king had immediately leapt into action to save the young dwarf’s life. 

Dwalin had gone to retrieve the lad’s body, but instead found the elf king frantically breathing the gift of life into Fili. Frankly, Dwalin was wholly unaware of how the hell the elven breath of life worked exactly, but the harden dwarven warrior was not about to argue at the time. Any chance of bringing Fili back from the brink of death was worth a try in his book. 

The most unlikely of pairs, Dwalin and Thranduil had then proceeded to get the small blonde to the healers’ tent as quickly as elvenly or dwarvenly possible. Even then it had not looked good for Fili. The healers, dwarven and elven alike had given the likelihood of his survival from slim to nil. But survive he did, through the cauterization of the huge, gashed wound, the punctured lung, the subsequent infections that ravished his frame. 

Now, the small blonde lies in a Thorin’s old bedchamber in Erebor, breathing, but otherwise unresponsive. Kili, is off traipsing after a couple of elves in search of a human boy. And Thorin feels guilt well up in him at the thought of never seeing Fili’s dimpled smile and blue eyes again. 

‘Is there anything that can be done, Oin? Anything that we have not tried?’ The king pleads with the old healer. 

‘Well,’ Oin answers slowly, measuring his word carefully. ‘We could try one thing…’

‘Yes?’ Thorin turns to face the healer, hope leaping into his throat.

‘I have seen dwarves, elves, human even come round from terrible head injuries if their loved ones talk and touch them while they slumber in a coma.’ 

‘What do you mean, speak plainly, please!’

Heaving his own heavy sigh, Oin continues, ‘I have seen all kinds come around when the folks they love and are loved by speak to them, touch them, wash them while they are in this unresponsive state. While they may seem unresponsive, they are still in there and some, even remember and can recite what was said and done to them. Love is a powerful thing, Thorin.’ 

‘Do you want me to try to find Kili so that he may do this?’ Thorin asks hestitantly. 

‘Mahal’s tits, NO!’ exclaims Oin roughly. ‘No, the lad has shown where his loyalty lies, and it is surely not to his brother. Uh…. I was thinking more along the lines of….’

‘Yes, who?’ Thorin prods

‘Ah, well, you.’

‘Me? Why me?’ Thorin asks, suddenly suspicious. 

Rolling his eyes, Oin, huffs, ‘While I may be fairly DEAF, Thorin. I am NOT blind as well. I have seen how you look at him. I know how your interactions with him changed suddenly when he hit puberty. Frankly, the whole company knows, even that foppy hobbit.’ 

‘The whole company?’ Thorin whispers in dismay, looking around furtively. 

‘Well, everyone except maybe Kili and of course, Fili, himself. He did not suspect what your behavior indicated.’

Gulping audibly, the dwarven king asks, ‘And…uh, what do you think my behavior towards Fili, as you put it, indicates?’

‘You love that lad. Fiercely, and in a way some would say, unbefitting for an uncle towards his sister son.’

‘And what would you say? What does the company say?’ 

‘Love is rarely wrong, if it is between consenting adults, who have had ample opportunity to truly get to KNOW one other. Who know and love the other in spite of their foolishness and faults.’ Oin answers firmly, looking his king straight in the eye. ‘You are in love Fili, have been for a while. You’ve tried to squash your feelings, but cannot. You just have never let the little lad in on the secret.’ 

Staggering backwards at the bluntness and sheer accuracy of his cousin’s words, Thorin throws out a hand to steady himself against the carved, stone wall.

‘Do you think I can help, Fili? Do you think I would be right to try?’ The king croaks. 

‘I think you owe it to him, frankly. He deserves your best effort, just as you have always demanded his best. And he DESERVES to know how you feel. He may not reciprocate the sentiments necessarily, but he has earned the right to know where your heart lies.’ 

Smiling for the first time in a very long time, Thorin, King Under the Mountain, nods and looks his trusted cousin and healer square in the eye and says, ‘Aye, that he has.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just made up the elven breath of life thing. It sounded good, very elveny, very much like something an elf could do, so why not?


	2. The first night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin goes to Fili's healing chamber to hopefully bring the blonde out of his coma.

Thorin fidgets uncomfortably in the healing hall just off the front gate of Erebor. Night is falling, and the air temperature is falling as a winter storm is brewing with howling winds outside the Lonely Mountain. The demolished front gates of Erebor have been cleared away completely and stand open as so much work is being done for the dwarves to reclaim the mountain. That and the people of Laketown have set up a refugee like camp in the front hall just inside to shelter from the winter weather until spring when they will began to rebuild the city of Dale. 

Gloin stokes the fire in the crown prince Fili’s private chamber within the hall where healers of all kinds, elven, dwarven, and human, have set up their make shift infirmary. A large, soft bed contains the still form of the blonde heir with a couple of his closest kin present, Dwalin and Balin. Thorin’s heart clenches at the sight of the pale, thin, and drawn face of his sister-son, loyal Fili, every vigilant for everyone’s health, safety, and happiness, but woefully lacking in sufficient concern for his own. 

Oin enters the room with two large basins of steaming water. ‘Time to bathe the prince.’ He says brightly. Thorin pales and glances nervously around at the assembled dwarves within Fili’s chamber. While he has spent what little time he could spare with the young heir, Thorin had never been present for the task of bathing. 

Smirking at Thorin’s anxious face, Dwalin drawls, ‘So, are you ready to take on nursing duty now in addition to all your others duties, my king?’ 

Shooting his closest friend and ever present shield brother a glare, Thorin just nods tightly. Dwalin grins and goes to the bed to smooth back Fili’s blonde hair and whispers. ‘Wake up now, little prince, your king is here.’ Kissing the lad on the brow, the large captain of the guard turns to leave. ‘Bring him back to us, Thorin.’ 

The new King Under the Mountain swallows the lump in his throat and nods. Balin gives Thorin’s arm a gentle squeeze and a wink as he follows his brother out of the chamber but says nothing.

‘There is more wood should you need it, Thorin.’ Gloin rises from the fireplace, satisfied with his fire and the amount of wood at hand. ‘I really need to make sure the Laketown folk don’t smoke us out tonight. I’ve caught more than one trying to make fires where there is NO outside ventilation and what with a winter storm coming…’ Gloin trails off as he leaves. 

Oin smiles at his red headed brother’s retreating back, then glances back to his king and cousin. ‘I know you’re nervous, Thorin, but there is no need to be. It’s just me and Fili.’ Setting the basins down next to the bed, Oin uncovers the dwarf lying there.

Thorin jolts as he notices Fili is completely naked underneath the beds cloths. His heart constricts at the sight of the long, jagged scar on the lad’s right side that runs the length of his torso and the unevenness of the ribs under the skin. The multitude of puncture wounds on Fili’s chest, shoulders, and sides attest to the fact that the orcs in Ravenhill must have stabbed the blonde with every dagger they took off of him. 

‘Alright, first, help me roll him onto his side so towels can be placed under him.’ Oin instructs patiently to bring Thorin back to task. The old healer knows Thorin has never had to play the role of nurse before. ‘And SPEAK- talk to the little lad here. And NOT in that droning you-are-the-heir, you-should-act-accordingly tone you NORMALLY take with him. Please.’ Oin adds the please after catching his king’s souring expression. ‘Oh and take off your tunic.’ 

At Thorin’s horrified look, Oin adds, ‘Please, once we bathe him, skin to skin contact is best to warm him.’

‘Who NORMALLY lies with him, skin to skin as you put?’ demands Thorin hotly. 

Oin chuckles. ‘Little Ori some nights. Dwalin on others. But at first, it was Thranduil.’ 

If Thorin, King Under the Mountain, squeaks in surprise, he covers it quickly with a deep throat clearing. ‘Thranduil?’ He asks in as neutral a tone as he can manage. 

‘Aye, the lord of the Woodland Realm, would come each evening to stay with the prince, and you know very well, it was touch and go there for many a night. What with the blood loss and then the unrelenting fevers.’ Oin answers in a mild voice as if it would have been the most natural thing in Middle Earth for the elven king of the Greenwood to have come to assist with the care of a dwarven prince. 

Thorin stares gobsmacked at the healer. He had NEVER heard this little bit of information before, and he is not sure what to make of it. Well, who would have had the nerve to tell him? 

‘Dwalin knew.’ The king asks in an accusatory voice as his shield brother would certainly have known, and HE would certainly have the fortitude to tell his king. 

‘Aye, he knew. He ALSO knew that without Thranduil, Fili would have died in the snow, alone at the base of Ravenhill. He knew, without Thranduil and his elven healers, we would have lost the prince in those first days as surely as the nose on my face.’ 

Thorin grimaces in shame and pain at the number of times he had given up on Fili as dead. First when Azog had stabbed the blonde from behind, then assuredly when the lad had been dropped from such a height as Ravenhill. Even when his heir had been brought to the healers tent, Thorin had not given the lad any chance of survival. Thorin had been numb with the knowledge that he had failed to show any love and affection towards his eldest nephew, and the lad would die without ever knowing of just how deeply his uncle cared for him. 

‘Dwalin knows where your heart lies, Thorin. We all did by Rivendell. This is your chance to tell him.’ 

‘I’d rather have my shirt on.’ Thorin gripes a bit mulishly. ‘What if the lad finds what I have to say… unwelcome? There I’d be next to him, shirtless while he lies there helpless and naked.’ 

‘Law, you two.’ Oin huffs in irritation. ‘You never noticed how the lad looked at you? How he tried so hard to garner your attention and praise? How he was always at your side? Truly?’ When Thorin shakes his head, Oin continues, ‘And the little prince never noticed how you would look at him when you thought no one else was watching you? How you would check on him while he slept? Nori was the first to sniff it out.’ 

‘Figures.’ Thorin snaps, but he pulls his tunic over his head and goes to the bed. ‘What next?’ Oin smiles gently. After the two older dwarves had washed and dried the prince. Thorin watches as the healer repositions the blonde onto his side. ‘Now lie against him, hold him, and TALK to him, your voice is the most powerful tool here. I’ll come back in a few hours so I can show you how to roll him onto his other side. Then, we’ll put him back supine before dawn. ‘ 

Thorin nods and carefully scoots himself against Fili’s backside. He glances pointedly at Oin, and the healer holds up his hands in surrender.

‘I’m leaving.’ Once the door is pulled firmly closed, Thorin wraps his arms around the small blonde, but when he opens his mouth to speak, a sob wells up instead. That first night, all the king can do is cry heavy tears into the prince’s blonde hair and hold him tightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added the bit about the daggers as I was confused as to why Fili did not seem to put up much of a fight against Azog. Also, in this fic, Azog died under the ice so Thorin was not so gravely injured because it made no sense to me for an armour ladden orc to float just under the ice. Well there were many, many things that made no sense to me in the last two movies, but this fic is written in line with those events so...


	3. Unexpected visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin wakes to find an unexpected visitor to Fili's healing chamber. They have a completely unexpected open and frank conversation.

Thorin wakes with a start when he hears the scrap of the heavy door. Hmmm, Oin must be returning to turn Fili the dwarven king thinks; however, he is surprised that the dim firelight reflects off of the plantuim blonde hair of the elven lord, Thranduil. Oh shit, Thorin inwardly gripes, even in the dark of the bedchamber, the king of the Greenwood/Mirkwood will assuredly be able to see his tear-swollen and red-rimmed eyes. It is not exactly how the newly crowned King Under the Mountain wants to be seen by one of his oldest enemies.

Sighing heavily, Thranduil speaks softly, ‘I did not come to make trouble. Just to check on the little one here. Your grandfather and I were once the most solid of allies, and did you and I not just fight side by side in a most fearsome battle?’ 

‘Confound it, can ALL of you damn elves read minds? I thought that was just the Witch of…I mean, the Lady Galadriel’s bailiwick? ‘ If the sound of Thranduil chuckling surprises Thorin, he hides it well. 

‘No, I cannot read minds, but faces? Well, that is a different story and you should never play cards, Thorin, you would lose all the gold in this mountain with that poker face.’ Thranduil teases. 

‘I would gladly GIVE all the gold in this mountain for a chance to speak to my sister son again.’ Thorin whispers. If elven king of the Woodland Realm can reveal his a sense of humor, well then, the king of the dwarrows will be unafraid to reveal his soft, vulnerable, emotional side. ‘Both of my sister sons. I failed both of them.’ He moans morosely.

‘Rubbish.’ Thranduil snaps. ‘Trust me on this point. As a father who so obviously failed his own son, I can say with whole hearted conviction that you failed neither of those boys.’ 

Rising up on his elbow, Thorin squints at the pale haired elf. Cocking an eyebrow at Thranduil’s admission, Thorin moves to sit upright in the bed but still in physical contact with his blonde sister-son’s still form. ‘We will have to agree to disagree then?’ He asks, a smile in his voice. 

Thranduil barks a laugh at the sheer irony of that remark. Yes, they are full grown adults after all, they CAN agree to disagree on certain points, and that difference of opinion does NOT make the other evil or corrupt. Law, but would have a great, great deal of misery and heartbreak have been avoided if Thror and himself had put that simple practice in use decades earlier? Hanging his head slightly to push back his guilt, the elven lord nods his head and answers, ‘Yes, I believe that is a WONDERFUL idea.’ 

The two kings sit in a comfortable silence with just the sound of Fili’s slow breathing still with an audible rattle from the lung injury the lad suffered and the raging infection that had taken hold there. 

‘Any change?’ inquires the elf. 

‘No, and I fear he will never wake and I cannot bear it.’ The dwarven king’s voice trembles at these last words, but he cares not. If the elf will mock him for his tears and his fears, then so be it. Thorin is done with propping up the stotic, uncaring, fearless façade he has had to carry since the Battle of Azanulbizar. 

‘He is strong, as are you. You must not give up hope on him.’

‘He has endured so much, so very much, and yet... it seems like the gods are playing a cruel joke on me to have him here and breathing, but not alive. Not really.’ 

‘If anyone can reach into his slumbering mind, Thorin, to rouse his spirit, it will be you.’ 

‘Why do you say that?’ Thorin asks surprised and genuinely interested.

‘I watched this lad sacrifice himself for his brother. I HEARD him call to you as he was held aloft, to go, to run away so that the king under the mountain could live to fight another day. He must love you both very, very much.’ Thranduil answers in the same neutral tone. 

‘His brother…’ Thorin chokes. How could Kili have abandoned his brother? ‘Did you see what happened on Ravenhill?’ 

Giving a slight shrug, Thranduil cocks his head to remember the events his saw from afar. Elven vision is so much sharper and clearer at a distance than either man or dwarf, and the elf king had seen the two young dwarves ascend Ravenhill. 

Choosing his words carefully, Thranduil relates what he saw to the lads’ uncle and king. ‘I saw them approach and go up the outer stairs of Ravenhill. Midway up perhaps, the blonde here, stopped the dark haired one. I could not hear his words, but from the way his mouth moved, it seemed that he was instructing the other. The brunet only nodded and the pair parted ways, the blonde ascending the stair, the brunet descending to the lower levels.’ 

‘So Fili TOLD Kili to leave him? But WHY? I had specifically INSTRUCTED him not to engage, but to observe and report back.’ Thorin whispers in quiet anguish and frustration. ‘Why would he have disobeyed me?’ 

‘Mayhap he thought you valued his brother’s life above his own.’ A deep rumble comes from the open door of the chamber. Both kings, the elven and dwarven alike, jump a foot at the unnoticed and unannounced addition to their conversation and the unexpected comment.

Once he had regained his breath sufficiently, Thorin huffs, ‘Dwalin! By my beard but have you just taken a decade off my life?’ 

‘And no less than a century off mine.’ Grumbles an equally unsettled Thranduil.

The captain of the king’s guard, Dwalin, just laughs at both of them. ‘Mahal’s axe and hammer, when did you two turn into a pair of hens?’

‘Not a hen- just expressing my feelings for the first time in a century, that’s all.’ Thorin snaps. 

'Right then, I see, my king.’ Dwalin says, still chuckling. 

‘WHY would Fili think I valued Kili over him? Did I not name him my heir?’ demands Thorin.

‘Oh well, that… the lad is your sister son, but you kept him at arms length like a servant. Treated him like a piece of iron- just a scape of metal to be shaped and molded into a king. When did you ever express to the lad in word or deed he had done well? That he was loved? That he MATTERED? No, he gave you his best and you just took it as your due. And Kili…’ Dwalin sighs heavily and shakes his head. ‘He is young still, mind, but if you had tried to teach that lad ANYTHING, he may have matured a bit. No, you treated Kili as if he was made of glass and Fili learned from his earliest memories that Kili was to be protected at all costs. Kili just took it as his due that his brother would always be there to protect and defend him, but that he, himself was under NO obligation to return the favor.’ Dwalin answers sadly. ‘His recent actions show that much for sure. I am sure the lad did not mean to leave his brother to die, but that is what he did. He chose his own happiness over his duty to you, his brother, his people when he left with the elf maiden. ’

Thranduil looks nervously from one somber dwarf to the other as both have fallen silent after the tall, bald one finished his little speech. The elf king has no idea of the interworkings of the relationships between the dwarf king and his heirs, but Thranduil knows he is no position to issue comment. He ponders his own interactions with the his son and the same said elf maiden. He cannot fault his son for leaving, not after enduring years of coldness from himself, the elven princeling’s own father, and years of preventing any budding romance between his son and the elf maid. 

‘I've NEVER heard you say so many words at one time in my life, Dwalin. You sound more like your brother, the diplomat, than your let-my-axes-do-the-talking self.’ Thorin finally says, breaking the uncomfortable silence. ‘However, ‘ Inhaling deeply, Thorin pauses and then continues, ‘I warrant your words are valid and accurate. I was afraid to let Fili get too close.’ 

‘Are you afraid of that now, Thorin?’

‘No, I’m afraid that I will never get a chance to tell him all the things I should have for all these long years. To open my heart to him and let him do what he will with it. I am deathly afraid.’ Thorin answers his shield brother honestly, his blue eyes flicking down to the blonde lying next to him.


	4. Nori was right all along?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oin checks on Fili to find Thranduil and Dwalin with Thorin and Fili. Oin and Thranduil leave Thorin and Dwalin to talk. Fili sleeps on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tweaked a few sentences. I added some humor to this chapter. And there will be smut later. Loads of it.

Oin comes in expecting to find only Thorin and Fili occupying the bedchamber, but he is not really surprised to see Thranduil and Dwalin sitting in companionable silence next to the bed as they watch Thorin silently stroke Fili’s blonde hair back off his forehead. Having witnessed Oin and the other healers move the small, comatose dwarf on many previous nights, Thranduil and Dwalin had helped turn Fili onto his other side so that he was now face to face with his uncle. 

Humming his approval at the position into which Fili had been moved, Oin stands with his arms crossed for a moment then says, smiling. ‘Quite the party here, yeah? I’ll be back at dawn then.’ 

‘And miss all fun we’re having here?’ Dwalin quips. ‘It seems Thorin has found his feminine side apparently, and Thranduil has found his sense of humor. Quite the riot going on in here. Be careful, Oin, you just may find your sense of hearing.’

Oin makes a rude gesture towards his burly cousin, but the smile does not leave his face. The lighthearted remark may have caused both kings to grumble under their breath, but it does break the rather gloomy mood hanging over the chamber. Without another word, Oin leaves the room without closing the door. 

Thranduil rises from his overstuffed chair to stretch his long body. ‘I will be back tomorrow night.’ Then hesitates, he adds. ‘If that is acceptable?’ 

Thorin nods his agreement. ‘That will be fine. Thranduil. And….thank you.’ If Dwalin’s eyebrow shoot up past what should have been his hairline if he had had one, the elven king chooses to ignore it. Bowing slightly in acknowledgement, the tall elf turns to leave and glides out the open doorway. 

‘Thank you? To an elf? To THAT elf in particular? By my beard, I would have never thought I’d live to see the day…’ Dwalin chuckles. Glaring at his shield brother, Thorin snaps. ‘Feminine side my hairy ass, Dwalin. I owe the damn elf thanks and I EXPRESSED it.’ 

 

‘Hmmm…I mean you are…EXPRESSING a lot of things here lately.’

‘What do you mean by that? So help me, Dwalin if you say feminine side again…’ Demands Thorin.

‘I find you, the King Under the Bloody Mountain, with eyes red and voice hoarse from CRYING. You and tall, glittering robes, MOANING and HAND WRINGING like ladies about how bad you both are at parenting. Yeah…I would say you both have been tackled from behind by your feminine sides alright. What with showing your FEELINGS and EXPRESSING and all.’ 

Thorin mimics the rude gesture Oin had given Dwalin just minutes before, but he is not smiling. 

‘Oi- keep your pants on, Thorin. As I see you’ve lost your shirt along the way.’

More rude gestures follow in rapid succession, and Dwalin laughs outright. Holding up his hands in mock surrender, the burly dwarf acquiesces to his king. ‘Alright, no more joking, Thorin. In all seriousness, have you sorted out how you feel about the little one here?’ 

‘Does he truly believe that I value his brother over him?’ 

‘Uh- yes, of course. And why wouldn’t he? The lad is not an idiot. He may hide behind a façade of cocky confidence to mask it, but it hurts him to see how little he seems to matter to you. He feels you see him as an heir, nothing else. How else is he meant to take how differently you treat him from his brother?’ 

Sputtering in protest, Thorin sits up, jostling Fili in the process. ‘I did not EVER treat him badly. I never struck him. I kept me close to me…. I...I even left Kili in Laketown! Would a father do that to his son?’

‘Yes, a father would certainly NOT drag his wounded son up a mountain, a mountain that contained only a DRAGON. No medical supplies. You knew Oin would stay with him to care for him. Morgul arrow, seriously? There is NO SUCH thing as a morgul arrow! Morgul BLADES are part of the realm of Sauron, NOT orcs, for fuck’s sake. What ridiculous shit, that. And were we to abandon our QUEST, a quest to reclaim our lost HOMELAND?! ’

‘You really have become quite the fount of words, lately. Talk about one who has been tackled by his feminine side?’ Thorin sniggers. 

‘And the last thing you ever said to Fili was to call him a fool for staying behind with his brother.’ 

‘That is NOT true….I threw a huge ruby to him and welcomed him to Erebor!’ Thorin moans stubbornly.

‘You threw a huge ruby AT him and welcomed BOTH of your sister-sons.’ Grumbles Dwalin. ‘Well, I suppose, technically, the last thing you said to him was to stand down while we are on the wall.’ 

‘How did it go SO wrong? How did I get so wrong? I love Kili and Fili SO much. EVERYTHING I did I did for them!’ Thorin groans and buries his head into his hands. 

‘I know you love them. We ALL know you love them. But how do you indulge and treat one as a beloved son for all of us to see. The other you keep at arms-length, always the king shaping his heir, never the loving uncle to his nephew.’

‘Because I don’t love him as an uncle should love his nephew.’

‘And?’

‘And, of course, I love him, but…I….I desire him…as a lover.’ 

For the second time that night, Dwalin’s eyebrows shoot up. Frowning mightily and furrowing his heavy brow, the warrior, mumbles, ‘So NORI was right all along? About you and Fili? I thought that thief was just having it over on us. This complicates things, my king. As in, NOW, I owe Nori some coin. Some SERIOUS coin.' Grumbles Dwalin unhappily. 


	5. In the day's council meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oin wakes Thorin. There is no change with Fili. Thorin finds himself quite unexpectedly distracted at the day's council meeting.

Still grumping about his lost wager with Nori, Dwalin retreats towards the door leaving the king with his crown prince. The large dwarf pauses at the door. ‘Ah…now that you’ve actually voiced the words, why don’t you tell the lad exactly how you feel, all expressy and dwarrowdamishy?’

Chuckling at his own wit, Dwalin turns his back and darts from the bed chamber before Thorin can fire off more rude hand gestures his way. Thorin turns his attention back to the blonde in front of him and even opens his mouth to speak his heart, but the words get stuck in his sore throat. Instead, the king peppers the young dwarf with little kisses on his brow. Hesitantly, Thorin presses closer and lowers his mouth to peck a kiss on Fili’s closed mouth. One peck is followed by more. Pecks turn deeper as the passion the king has held in check for so long flames higher. Thorin is lost in the feel of the soft, slightly chapped lips of his nephew to notice that Fili’s lips fall apart of their own accord. 

  

Oin finds the king with his heir face to face, almost mouth to mouth, as their mouths are both open just a wee bit and very, very close. Thorin has his left arm bent and under the blonde’s head and neck so that his bicep acts as a pillow for lad. His other arm rests across the boy’s bare hip and flank where, during the night, the king had apparently clutched the young dwarf’s body firmly against his own bare chest and belly. Fili’s chin is tilted upwards and Thorin’s tilted downwards almost as if the pair are trying to purposefully draw in the other’s breath on each inhale and exhale. 

Smiling at the tender scene, Oin hates to interrupt, but the lad must be repositioned to stave off bedsores, and the king has his duties to attend. 

‘Thorin? How did the night go once your visitors left?’ 

‘Ummmm…uneventful.’ Thorin asnwers sleepily, without opening his eyes. When he feels Fili’s gentle breath against his own lips, his eyes fly open. Blushing, he remembers literally kissing the lad to sleep last night and sneaks a quick glance at Oin. Oin looks pointedly away from the pair on the bed.

‘Uh…I… should I return tonight? I had hoped for a more of a response last night.’ Thorin whispers morosely. 

‘What was that, my king?’ Oin asks having seen Thorin’s lips move, but not hearing what he had said. The raven haired dwarf shot through with more gray each day it seems, repeats what he had just said. 

‘Absolutely, it may take days or weeks for your presence and words to reach him. Keep trying.’ 

‘Alright…I will back tonight then.’ Thorin eases up from the bed and runs his hand over Fili’s face once more before he pulls on his tunic and leaves. Oin smiles at his king’s retreating back. 

‘Ah, lad, and how are you doing this morning. Seeing you wrapped up in his arms, did my heart good, you know. How about yours, laddie?’ Oin has long engaged in the practice to speaking to his patients conscious or unconscious. The old healer figures that just because the unconscious ones cannot respond, does NOT mean they cannot hear him. Mahal knows they would have to respond loudly for him to hear them.

 

Thorin finds he has a very hard time concentrating on the issues at hand during the morning’s Council meeting. His mind drifts back to the soft lips and sweet breath of his blonde sister-son. He feels his sword stir in his pants and looks down at himself aghast. What the fuck? Is his cock actually getting hard, sitting in a damn Council meeting just thinking about Fili? What is he 80 years again he asks himself.

Balin loudly clearing his throat draws his attention away from his rapidly swelling cock. Looking up from his lap, Thorin finds the entirety of the dwarves present looking at him questioningly. 

‘Uhm..did you drop something in your lap?’ Dwalin asks in as innocent a voice as he can manage from where he sits leaning back in his chair. Thorin has to physically clasp his right hand with his left to stop from making MORE rude gestures at Dwalin. That would not do in a Council meeting after all. Protocols had to be maintained. 

Dwalin smirks smugly and covers his mouth to keep from outright laughing. Thorin’s shield brother and best friend knows the king very well and had seen him shifting in his seat, tugging on his trousers uncomfortably for the past several minutes. While the others may have missed it, Dwalin had concluded, rightly when Thorin’s gaze had dropped to his lap and STAYED there, that the king was suffering from a certain distraction. He is so utterly engaged at staring down at his own crotch, he had missed the question posed to him. TWICE.

The warrior could guess what was causing the king to squirm and completely miss the last subject of discussion by the Council, and it amuses Dwalin to no end. High and mighty King Under the Mountain, Thorin Oakenshield, is sitting in a Council meeting, paying the present issue at hand no mind in the least, with a raging hard on. And by Mahal’s beard, but Thorins seems to both proud and confused at the development. Perhaps his masculine side is making a comeback, rearing its head so to speak.


	6. The lad's eyes are open

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin asks Thranduil for some help.

After a hasty dinner, Thorin stomps to Fili’s healing chamber in a foul mood, wondering just how he will punish Dwalin for his outrageous cheek and insolence during the day’s Council meeting. What is in your lap, my king, indeed fumes said King Under the Mountain. 

Just outside the door, Thorin pauses to calm himself. He will do his nephew no good if he comes to his bedside in such a black mood. The raven haired dwarf hears Oin’s voice as the healer speaks to another inside the chamber. Damn, and double damn, Thorin thinks. He is not sure he is up for conversation with anyone besides Oin tonight. 

Pushing open the chamber door, Thorin finds the elven king of the Woodland Realm seated by the bed as Oin prepares Fili bath. 

‘Ah, Thorin…I was not sure you would be here tonight so I asked Thranduil if he would come. Just in case, of course. ‘ Oin says when he catches sight of Thorin.

‘Why would I not be here? I said I would.’ The dwarven king is puzzled by Oin’s comment.

‘Well, Dwalin had mentioned, somewhat cryptically mind, that…uh… something of great import had arisen in the Council meeting this afternoon, and that you may not be up for coming tonight. Whatever did he mean by that?’ 

Thorin makes a rude gesture. ‘THAT is what you can tell Dwalin next time you see him. IF you ever see him again. I just may send him to the deepest mines for the next six months.’ Thorin grumbles. 

Oin barks a laugh and shrugs. He turns to the bowls of water and nods to Thranduil who stands to help with the bath. Thorin watches Thranduil’s practiced hands as the tall elf assists with no verbal instructions from Oin. 

Over his shoulder, to Thorin, Oin says. ‘Strip down to your trousers, please. We will be finished in a moment.’ Thorin hestitates as he is not sure he wants to strip down in the presence of the elven king, but he shrugs what would it matter he thinks. 

Once Thorin is settled behind his sister-son’s backside and wraps his arms around the lad. Oin nods and takes his leave from the room. Thranduil moves to follow the healer when Thorin calls to the elf. ‘Stay. Please, stay.’ 

Thranduil cocks one dark eyebrow but otherwise shows no sign of surprise at the request nor the use of the word, please. He seats himself in one of the overstuffed armchairs so that he is facing both Durin heirs. When the seconds drag on, Thranduil shifts in his seat but does not speak. He will wait the dwarven king out. He can afford to be patient. 

Huffing in frustration, Thorin finally breaks the silence. ‘Oin has instructed me to speak to the lad, but I have no idea WHAT to say to him. All dwarves and me in particular are not good at expressing our feelings aloud. ‘ 

‘And you think I am? You should ask my son how well I express my emotions. I may never get the chance to set things to rights with Legolas. ’ Thranduil sighs sadly. 

‘And what would you say to him? If he were here now?’ Thorin asks, his interest piqued by the elf’s candor. 

‘That I am proud of him and not proud of many of the decisions I have made. Recently and..’ Thranduil pauses to look directly into Thorin’s eyes. ‘And in the last two centuries. I have made…mistakes in judgement then and more recently. Many suffered from my decisions and actions, but my son most of all. I withheld my love and affection from him. I regret that terribly.’ 

Thorin sighs. ‘I understand just what you are saying. I did the same with the lad here. I thought it would leave him unprepared for the rigors of rule if I was too lenient with him and did the same- withheld my love from him. However, I went a step further, as I had no such reserves when dealing with his over exuberant brother, a dwarf who demanded attention and affection at every turn. I was far too lax with that lad. I failed both of them.’

‘Honestly, Thorin, you do not seem to have any trouble expressing what you feel.’ Thranduil observes neutrally. 

‘I suppose it helps to speak to someone who is awake, alert, and oriented versus unconscious and NOT the one I subjected to such unfair treatment.’ Thorin muses. 

The elven king thinks for a moment and then says. ‘Well then, tell ME what you would want to the boy to know. If that is easier for you, Thorin. ‘

‘Alright….’ Thorin hesitates. He grips the small blonde tightly and then begins. ‘I would tell him that I am SO proud of him. I could never have asked for a better heir. He will make a far better king than I ever would I can tell you that straight away. 

‘It hurts my heart when I was told that he thought I cared more for his brother than for him. That he would be so willing to sacrifice himself in order to protect and save his brother over protecting himself as he thought that is what I EXPECTED of him. Loyal and selfless to a fault this one. I love him beyond measure.’ Thorin stops as he feels tears welling up. He closes his eyes, and he presses kisses to Fili’s neck and shoulder. 

Thorin with his eyes closed does not notice the platinum haired elf lean forward, his eyes fixed to Fili’s face. The dwarven king snaps his eyes open when Thranduil says sharply. ‘Thorin!’ 

‘Whatever is the matter?’ Thorin asks, taken aback from the elf’s tone. Had the damn elf NOT asked him to tell him what he wanted to say Fili?

‘Thorin, the lad’s eyes…’ Thranduil trails off, concentrating on Fili’s face. 

‘What is it, Thranduil? Thorin asks, craning his neck in an attempt to see whatever the elf is staring at. 

‘There!’ Exclaims Thranduil standing and going to kneel beside the bed. ‘His eyes, Thorin… the lad’s eyes are open!’ The elf whispers in a hushed, excited tone.


	7. For the rest of my days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili shows more signs of coming out of his coma, but he is not fully awake yet.

Fili’s eyelids flutter closed, but he arches his spine to press his head back against Thorin’s chest. He emits a small groan as his long unused muscles protest the movement, and Thorin can feel the blonde shudder in pain. Rolling the lad onto his back, the dwarven king leans over Fili to peer down intently at his nephew’s face. 

‘Fili…lad…Fili, open your eyes.’ Thorin says, his heart pounding in his chest. He watches as the smaller dwarf’s face pinchs in a slight grimace, but his eyes stay closed. ‘Fili, can you hear me?’ 

The blonde gives a single, small nod of his head and then squirms his neck and head against the bedsheet. His mouth opens to huff out little pants. 

‘He could be hurting, but he DID respond to your question.’ Thranduil wonders aloud and tears his eyes from the young dwarf’s face to look at Thorin’s profile. The dwarven king is nods in agreement, but his eyes never leave Fili’s face. 

‘Get Oin!’ Thorin barks. ‘Please.’ He amends hastily. One does not simply order about another king after all. ‘Would you please get Oin?’

‘Certainly.’ Thranduil says, amused that the dwarf king can remember to be polite in the present situation. Dwarves were not known for their manners in the best of circumstances. The tall elf straightens from his bedside crouch and leaves the chamber in search of Oin and the other healers.

Stroking his nephew’s hair back from his face where it had fallen, Thorin calls softly. ‘Fili, can you hear me?’ Again the small nod, and this time, Fili’s right hand jerks and brushes against Thorin’s bare torso. Jumping at the sudden touch to his belly, Thorin looks down to see that is it Fili’s hand moving. Taking the hand firmly in his own, Thorin says more loudly to Fili. ‘Squeeze my hand, Fili.’ 

When the blonde responds to the command and does as ordered, Thorin thinks his heart may burst out of his ribs. The king is overjoyed as it had been feared Fili could have been paralyzed from the fall. Bending to press his forehead to Fili’s, Thorin breathes. ‘I am SO pleased to see you move, lad.’

Fili squeezes his uncle’s hand once again but begins to writhe his head and shoulders. Small moans fall from his mouth. 

‘Are you in pain? Oin is coming.’ Thorin asks worriedly.

Another answering nod and Fili’s blue eyes flutter open briefly. ‘Uncle?’ He whispers, eyes falling closed once again. 

‘Yes, Fili. It’s me. I’m here.’ Thorin answers. The small smile that plays across his nephew’s chapped lips, causes a grin to spread across the dark haired king’s face. Pressing a kiss to those dry, soft lips, Thorin murmurs. ‘If you will have me, I’ll ALWAYS be here with you.’ A tiny sob is Fili’s only answer. 

Oin rushes in, followed by several other healers. When he instructs Thorin to move away from Fili, the king obstinately and quickly refuses. ‘Oi, Thorin, we need to exam him!’ Oin huffs in irritation. 

‘You will have to exam him with ME next to him. I am not leaving.’ Thorin answers in a tone that brooks no argument. He slips his arm under Fili’s head and presses closer to his nephew. 

‘Fine.’ Another healer answers and pulls the bedclothes from the bed to uncover Fili and Thorin completely. Thorin shifts in discomfort at being in a state of half undress surrounded by dwarven healers with a few elven ones thrown in. He likes Fili’s state of complete undress even less; however, the healers seem oblivious to Fili’s nakedness. 

‘Fili.’ Oin calls loudly and smiles when the lad twitches at the sound. The other healers murmur in approval. Oin grips Fili’s left hand firmly in his own. ‘Squeeze my hand, laddie. Good, very good.’ Oin says, his smile broadening. The old healer’s eyes flick up to Thorin’s as he asks silently if Fili had squeezed his uncle’s hand with his right hand too. Thorin nods and cannot help but to grin back at Oin. 

 

After the healers prod and move every part of Fili’s body, and the little blonde whimpers and moans throughout the process, the King Under the Mountain finally has enough. ‘Leave off!’ He growls finally. ‘He is in pain. You are healers and not torturers? Give him something immediately!’ 

‘And have him possibly fall back into a coma or even kill him outright? No. We don’t know what he can tolerate.’ Oin answers calmly. He is quite used to his demanding cousin’s unreasonable requests. Thorin pales at the healer’s words and clutches Fili tighter to himself. 

‘You said he spoke, but I cannot get him to verbally respond or open his eyes, so let’s try to get him to take a few swallows of lukewarm water. Prop him up just a bit, shall we?’ 

Thorin sits up himself first before he gently raises his heir’s head and neck up slightly. Oin grips the lad’s jaw gently so that Fili’s mouth opens, and Oin drips several drops of water onto the back his tongue. Letting go of the young dwarf’s jaw, Oin sits back and watches Fili closely. Fili swallows automatically, not surprisingly as it reflex, but when the young dwarf opens his mouth again on his own, Oin smiles. 

The healer pours a bit more water into the open mouth . Fili swallows most of it, but some of it dribbles out of the corners of his mouth as Oin had not placed the water far enough back on his tongue to induce the swallowing reflex. Fili had swallowed the water on his own this time. 

Oin beams. ‘Very good, laddie. Now since it is the middle of the night, let’s leave him be until the dawn. We shall see how he does in the morning. These are all very good signs. Stay with him, Thorin. ‘

The raven haired dwarf nods and eases his nephew back down flat onto the bed. Thorin watches as the healers file out of the room, all with smiles on their faces. Fili is a patient who had defied death time and time again. They are all very happy to see signs of the young dwarf regaining consciousness. 

When he is alone the Fili again, Thorin feels his mouth get dry, and his mind go blank with what to say. No, he says to himself firmly, not this time. Fili deserves to hear the truth. Thorin cannot let his own insecurities to get in the way again. He will have to push past his own discomfort to speak his heart to the lad. The king has failed too often in the past to let his precious nephew and heir know that he is loved and that he matters to his uncle. The lad's ready willingness to surrender his life to protect his brother's shows just how little he believes his own life to be valued. Thorin plans to rectify that misconception as soon as the blonde is fully awake. Thorin does not plan to reveal his inner most desires to his nephew yet. He will let Fili recover more before delving into that subject, but Thorin promises himself that he will get to it. 

Snuggling down next the blonde, Thorin whispers into Fili’s ear. ‘I love you lad, and I am SO proud of you, as my heir, as my nephew, as simply WHO you ARE, Fili. You have always given your best to everyone else. I intend to give you my best for the rest of my days… if you’ll have me. ‘ 

Thorin holds his breath as he waits for a response of any kind. Sighing in disappointment, the king closes his eyes and kisses to Fili’s temple. ‘I love you, Fili. Good night.’ Fili’s head moves fractionally to press closer against Thorin’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I will have Fili wake up fully next chapter. Will he be receptive to what his uncle has to say?


	8. You DO matter to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili wakes up fully but cannot speak yet. Thorin tells Fili about Kili's departure. Fili is confused why Thorin is with him. He is not convinced when he hears Thorin's explanation.

When Thorin wakes again, he feels something fluttering against the sensitive skin of his throat. It almost feels as if a butterfly’s wings are just barely skimming against his neck. Opening his eyes, the king starts when he sees Fili’s blue eyes staring, unblinking and fixedly towards far side of the chamber . 

‘Fili? Lad, can you hear me?’ Thorin’s voice trembles. Could the lad have regained consciousness, only to die? Thorin knows true thankfulness when Fili’s eyelids blink once, twice and then flick up to meet his own. Ah- the lad’s eyelashes brushing against his neck was what Thorin had felt just a moment ago. So much better than butterflies, the king thinks. 

His face broadening into a smile, Thorin grins down at the blonde. Fili frowns back at his uncle in clear confusion. ‘What is it? Are you in pain?’ Thorin asks when he sees the frown and furrowed brow on his nephew’s face.

Fili gives a tiny head shake, no, but his eyes never leave Thorin’s. Then his blue eyes dart from side to side within the room and then latch back onto Thorin’s once again, a question plainly obvious in his intent gaze. 

‘Where is your brother?’ Thorin guesses. A tiny nod in answer. ‘Well, he is gone.’ The king sighs heavily. The blonde’s eyes blow wide with panic and disbelief and he tries to rise, but with muscles long atrophied from disuse, Fili is unable to sit up. He slumps against his uncle in utter defeat, and Thorin can feel the tears on his bare skin where Fili’s face is pressed into his chest.

‘No, not gone like that. He left. With the elf maid.’ Thorin grinds out. Fili slowly tilts back his head to stare directly into Thorin’s blue eyes. Now his eyes narrow in suspicion.

‘Your brother left to follow a pair of elves to parts unknown.’ Thorin says wearily. A disbelieving snort from Fili. ‘ I know, I know…never would I have dreamed Kili would leave your side…’ Another loud snort from the blonde interrupts Thorin. Opening his mouth to speak, Fili can only make scratching, rasping noises at first. Huffing in frustration, Fili clamps his mouth shut and signs in the secret, dwarven sign language. (Left with elf pair?) 

‘Aye, Legolas, the snarkly blonde, Thranduil’s son, left to go find some young boy in Rivendell. And that idiotic fuckwit of a captain left with him.’ 

(Kili, too?’)

Nodding sadly, Thorin explains. ‘He said he was meant to be with her and their love was real, blah, blah, blah…so he left. Just like that. He left before Thranduil brought you to the healing tent. I suppose it is fair to say that he thinks you had died either from Azog running you through or your fall. ‘ Thorin muses aloud, he figures the blonde will be very upset to hear that his brother’s sudden departure. 

Fili’s eyes brow shoot up. (Elf King?)

‘Aye, the elven king saved your life apparently. Dwalin found him breathing into your mouth and trying to keep you from freezing to death. They both got to the healing tent as fast as possible.’ Fili purses his lips and cuts his eyes to the side, obviously trying to wrap his mind around this new information.

‘I’m sure your brother would NOT have left had he known that you were alive.’ Thorin tries to reassure his nephew. A very loud, scoffing snort is his answer. Fili signs rapidly. (Always a fool, Kili. Kili cares only for Kili.)

Thorin opens his mouth to defend his youngest nephew, but Fili continues to sign. (Why here?)

Confused the king asks for clarification. ‘Why here? What does that mean. Why is what where?’

(Why. YOU. Here?) Fili emphasizes the sign for you. 

‘Why am I here?’ Thorin asks, surprised. ‘ To help you, of course. I was so worried about your condition.’ The king smiles down at his blonde heir with affection.

Fili’s brow furrows in confusion once again. (Me? Important to you? Since when?) 

Thorin feels as if he has just been punched in the gut and the smiles fades from his face to twist in pain. Thorin realizes with sudden shame that Fili is simply genuinely confused as he blinks up at Thorin in shock at the pained expression on his uncle’s face. 

‘You’ve ALWAYS been important to me, Fili. Your health and well being matter very much to me.' Thorin chokes out the words, but Fili stares levelly back at his uncle and very slowly, very deliberately signs (Long time since I mattered. Very, long time.) And with that Fili turns his head away from his uncle to stare unseeing at the far wall. 

Thorin swallows his anger and pain. Fili’s hurt and confusion are to be expected after all. The blonde did not know WHY the king had distanced himself from his young heir. 

‘Well, lad, I am so sorry that you…that I gave you the impression that I do not care for you. You DO matter to me, very much. I love you. I PROMISE that you will never have reason to ever doubt THAT again, Fili.’

Fili slowly moves his gaze back to take in his uncle’s anguished, pinched expression for several, long moments. His eyes move over Thorin’s face in an attempt to gage the king’s sincerity in what he has just said. Fili lowers his eyes, but his expression remains neutral with a masked façade just as it normally does when his sharp mind whirls as he tries to make sense of the puzzling events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not really proofread this before I had to post it. I will edit it tomorrow as necessary.


	9. He wants so badly to believe his uncle's words, but

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili tries to understand Kili's behavior. He wishes his brother well. Fili thinks back to the last three decades, and comes to the conclusion Thorin just misses Kili and his words of love ring hollow and untrue.

As Fili lays next to his uncle’s warm body, he ponders and mulls over the things that Thorin had just said. His thoughts jumble and roll over one another in his mind. He thinks about his brother, the elves, his brother’s departure with them, his uncle’s confusing words. 

Firstly, Kili. Fiil wonders about just what had come over his brother when he met that red headed elf. Kili had always been self centered and self serving, but lovable. Fili had taken it on himself to protect his little brother, Thorin had shouted and stomped that fact into Fili's brain from an early age. But Kili leaves his brother the first and only time Fili truly needs him? To do what exactly, chase some elven ass? That is surely not a shining example of honor, duty, loyality, and a willing heart that their uncle is so keen to go on about? Thorin SAYS he values those above all else, but when did Kili EVER show those qualitities?

Then Fili mulls over the elf maiden, not the most stable of minds there apparently. While Kili is young, naïve, and let’s be frank, not the brightest, she IS centuries old and must have some skills and talents to have become the captain of the guard . So, why in all of Middle Earth would an experienced warrior respond to an awful pick up line like ‘I could have anything down my trousers’? Truly, Fili thinks what kind of female with any self esteem or self respect would find THAT invitation endearing? 

Fili cannot fathom what would make the elven warrior turn traitor to her king and kith so quickly. Because she is taken with some prisoner who chatted her up? Showed her his rock? Is the Woodland realm dating pool so shallow that she would be THAT desperate? Well, maybe, Fili supposes.

Sighing heavily, Fili sends a prayer to Mahal for his brother’s safety, wishing him well and hoping Kili finds happiness. The blonde fears that his brother will get his heart broken as he is so quick to give it away. Kili has never known rejection from someone he loves. Not like Fili had. No one finds real love in a couple of days. Not that the spark cannot develop into something real given time, but seriously, Kili and the elf have known each other for what, two days? True love, indeed!

Then the blonde’s mind turns to his uncle’s behavior. Fili cannot wrap his mind around what Thorin had said. It reminds him of when he is in his fifth decade and just starting to change from an awkward dwarfling to a strong stripling, and his uncle’s behavior towards him abruptly changed. Overnight it had seemed Thorin went from a stoic and stalwart, but caring uncle to a cold, distant, short-tempered king with Fili; however, his attitude towards Kili never changed. Thorin had remained the same over-indulgent and doting uncle towards his younger nephew. It had cut Fili to the quick.

The pain and confusion caused by Thorin’s rejection of him had hurt Fili badly, but he vowed to not let it show. At first he had tried harder and harder to please his uncle. After ten years and countless tears of frustration, Fili had to simply accept that he COULD NOT regain Thorin’s love and favor and had resigned himself to the fact that he no longer mattered to his uncle. The boy had to move on. He had found a mentor and confident in his weapons’ master, Mister Dwalin and the large warrior’s brother, Mister Balin. Fili had taken to spending much more time with those dwarves than Thorin or Kili. It had hurt too badly to watch Thorin to continue to lavish attention and affection on his brother while giving him the cold shoulder. 

In those years, the only time Thorin really seemed to take any notice of Fili was when Kili had gotten himself into some kind of trouble or danger, then Thorin’s wrath was swift and harsh on Fili’s head. The only conclusion that Fili could come was that Kili mattered much more to their uncle than himself. The price for failing to protect Kili had been an unforgivable sin in Thorin’s eyes, so Fili decided it was his job to keep Kili safe, to give his life if necessary. Fili had seen how many sacrifices Thorin had made for the dwarves. Thorin would lay down his life to keep his people clothed, feed, and safe. Fili had to admire his uncle regardless of that dwarf's lack of affection towards him. The heir and the king had come to an understanding based on mutal respect rather than love. It was enough for Fili. 

Now, Thorin is trying to tell the lad that he had cared for him for all those years? No,Fili is not buying it. It is very likely that with the departure of Kili, Thorin is simply grasping at straws to reestablish some sort of close relationship with his only remaining nephew. It makes Fili’s gut roil in pain. He WANTS so badly to believe his uncle’s words, but three decades of experiencing Thorin’s disinterest and distain is too much for Fili to simply forget. What happens when Kili returns, will Thorin drop him like a stone again? Probably. 

At that thought, Fili rolls away from Thorin’s warmth and curls in on himself. It is only a lie after all. 

‘Fili?’ Thorin calls softly, concern in his voice. It is too much for the blonde, and a sob escapes his throat. His uncle touches his shoulder, but Fili jerks away. Thorin withdraws his hand as if he had been burned. His heart twists when his sees the tears streaming down his eldest nephew’s face, but he is at a total loss for what to do to comfort Fili.


	10. To die alone and unwanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili reveals that he remembers most of everything from the battle to the shock of Oin, Balin, Dwalin & Thorin. Thorin is horrified to learn what Fili felt after he was stabbed by Azog.

When Oin and Dwalin come to check on the crown prince, they are surprised to see his eyes fully opened, staring blankly forward at the wall, red rimmed from crying, his back turned to his uncle who wore the most anguished expression on his face.

‘Oi- what has happened here, lad?’ Oin barks. Neither occupant of the bed is certain to whom his question is posed. ‘What is wrong, wee laddie? Why are you crying?’ The healer clarifies when he gets no response from either dwarf.

(Thinking. Battle.) Fili signs. 

‘Oh, I see.’ Dwalin lies smoothly. He does not see why Fili would be crying and Thorin not doing anything to comfort the lad.

‘Can you speak, Fili?’ Oin asks softly.

(Talk hurts) Fili replies. 

‘Ah, how about I fetch some nice hot tea with good bit of honey and wee bit of brandy in it? That will help limber up your throat, yeah?’ Oin smiles at the blonde. Fili sniffles and nods gratefully at the old healer. Thorin kicks himself for not having thought of something so simple as hot tea to help his nephew. 

‘Thorin help him sit up will you?’ Oin asks as he turns to leave. Thorin moves to comply. 

(No) Fili signs emphatically. (Dwalin) Thorin sighs as his heart breaks to have his blonde nephew rebuke the idea of his uncle touching, but willfully seek assistance from another. Thorin starts when it dawns on him that this must be how Fili must have felt for years. Thorin had schooled himself to never touch Fili lest he fall into temptation by his carnal desires for the lad. He had not wanted to burden his young, innocent nephew, Fili, in that way, but since he had not felt that way towards his younger nephew, Thorin had been quite tactile and overtly affectionate with Kili. 

Dwalin sighs as well. He can see the pain and confusion in Fili’s eyes. The same look the boy had worn decades ago when he first starting coming to Dwalin with tears streaming down his face and questions of what he had done to make his uncle hate him so, spilling from his quivering lips. Bloody hell AND Mahal’s beard, the warrior thinks as he picks up Fili just as he had when the lad was a mere dwarfling, seeking answers for questions that Dwalin could NOT hope to guess. 

Dwalin is shocked at the lightness of Fili and the smallness of the lad’s frame. The boy had always been on the smallish side of the dwarven scale, but he had been stout and firm with hard, sinewy muscles. Now, the blonde is light as a feather, and shudders and trembles in Dwalin’s arms. 

‘I’ve got you, wee laddie. Don’t cry. Ole Dwalin is here.’ Dwalin rumbles in the lad’s ear. Fili sobs and clutches at Dwalin’s tunic and buries his head into Dwalin’s chest. Dwalin looks up over the blonde head to fix Thorin with a questioning glare. Thorin shrugs helplessly and signs. (Talk later?) Dwalin nods to his king and hums a soothing lullaby into Fili’s ear. 

Oin comes in carrying a tea tray with Balin close on his heels. ‘Right now, let’s get some of this in you.’ Oin says cheerfully as he set the tray down and prepares a mug of tea sweetened with good sized helping of honey and a splash of brandy. Thorin climbs out of the bed wearily and downhearted. Pulling on his tunic, he tries to get Fili to look at him, but when the blonde pointedly looks the other way, he leaves the chamber. 

Dwalin sets Fili back onto the bed, propping him up against the headboard with several pillows. The large dwarf kisses the young dwarf’s forehead before he slips out of the room after Thorin. Balin sits next to the lad and puts the mug of tea up to his lips. The warm liquid soothes his raw throat as it flows down. The sweetness of the honey and the bite of the brandy soothes his raw nerves and roiling emotions. 

‘What has you crying, lad?’ Balin asks gently. Balin had always been good in getting the blonde to open up when the lad is upset. ‘Is it because your brother left after the battle?’ Fili shakes his head and then waffles as he works through his conflicting feelings and the horrible memories of the day of battle, and he tilts his head from side to side to indicate that yes he was upset about something to do with Kili. 

Fili opens his mouth to speak, but the words wouldn’t come out. Huffing in frustration, Fili steadies the mug with one hand and gulps more tea down. He tries again. ‘Aye, I’m crying about…some...well, many things.’ The blonde tries to sort his emotions. ‘Kili left me! He didn’t even check to see if I was ALIVE! How could he do that to me? When…. have I NOT been there for him? And uncle, I HEARD him…I HEARD him call for Kili and… ONLY for Kili after I was dropped. Does he care nothing for me? At ALL?!’ Fili croaks. By the end of his rant, he is shuddering and hyperventilating. 

‘Easy, laddie…easy, there. Your brother and your uncle care and love you. You know that, yeah?’ Balin is shocked that Fili has any memories of the battle, and he tries to calm the crown prince. Instead of soothing the blonde, Balin’s words seem to enrage him.

‘No, I DON’T know that! By Mahal’s beard, WHY….. why would I think that they give a second thought about me when their ACTIONS for DECADES clearly indicate that they DO NOT.’ Fili fairly shrieks and weakly throws the empty mug across the room.

‘Okay, okay….laddie..here drink this.’ Oin interjects. As a precaution, he had mixed a weak dose of pain medicine for Fili in case the crying was due to physical pain. Oin feels he has to give it to the lad to sedate him and stem the tide of hysteria and anger rising in the blonde. 

Fili swallows the bitter medicine, but the adrenaline is already draining from his body, leaving his exhausted. He is asleep in minutes. Oin and Balin look at each other worriedly. Dwalin all but carries Thorin back into the chamber as the pair had stayed just outside the door and heard all of Fili’s words. The king is shaking with grief at the accusations his nephew had leveled at him. Thorin had not known Fili had felt unloved and uncared for so long, and the guilt from the pain he had unwittingly inflected on his eldest sister son is overwhelming. 

‘Honestly, I had HOPED he had not remembered anything of the battle. I guess his head was not concussed during the fall amazingly. He lost consciousness due to blood loss, shock, and hypothermia. ‘ Oin muses. Thorin squeezes his eyes closed. He cannot image how frightened Fili must have been in the hands of Azog during those last terrible moments before he had been stabbed. And now his heir awakens to horrible memories and feeling like his kin abandoned him on the battlefield to die alone and unwanted.


	11. Not looking forward to it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Balin tries to reassure Thorin and sends the king to get some sleep. Dwalin spends the day with Fili. When Balin arrives, Fili apologizes for his childish behavior the night before. Balin convinces Fili that he needs to have a long talk with Thorin. Fili agrees, but he is not looking forward to it.

Balin, Oin, and Dwalin gaze sadly at their king as he sits slumped down on the floor next to Fili’s bed with his head in his hands. Balin tries to rouse the king from his grief.

‘Now, Thorin…the lad has just woken up. The last thing he remembers is the battle…and what happened to him. He is bound to be a bit overly emotional right now. He will calm down and listen to you. You know that.’ Balin tries to reason with his cousin. 

‘Will he, Balin? I am not so sure.’ Thorin argues.

‘Just because his pig headed, mulish grudge holder of an uncle would not listen, does NOT mean Fili won’t. Do you not know the boy at all? He WILL listen, but apparently, he is in a state now that he could not maintain his normal reserve and had an outburst. Mahal, his brother did that almost daily growing up! Not that he was EVER corrected for such, Thorin. ‘

‘Is anything else that you’d like to offer criticism on concerning my mentoring skills, Balin?’ Thorin asks snidely. 

Balin sighs, ‘Fili loves you and Kili with all his heart. He was willing to die to safeguard you both. Now don’t get me wrong- the willingness to die for someone is NOT the definition of love, THAT is fanaticism, make no mistake.’ Balin chuckles at the ridiculous notion that someone would think dying for someone that they don’t know is love. ‘But he DOES love and admire you. He has his WHOLE life.’ 

‘I love him, too. SO much. ’ Thorin sniffles.

‘Then tell him, AFTER he has had some time and space to sort his memories and work through his emotions.’ Balin offers gently. 

‘Right then, Thorin. Come back next evening. Let Dwalin and Balin have some time with the lad.’ Oin supplies. ‘Fili needs to get some of his strength back. He has not been out of that bed in over two months.’ 

‘Alright, Oin. Thank you all.’ The king stands and stretches, knowing he has a long day ahead of him. He retreats to his own bed chamber to get an hour of sleep before his busy day begins. 

‘I’ll stay with him, Oin.’ Dwalin says, but I’ll keep my shirt on. He smirks at his own wit as he slides into bed next to Fili.

 

When Fili awakes again, he can feel the warmth and weight of another lying close by him. He snuggles into the warmth of the large body until he fears that is his uncle, and he thrashes away. 

‘Oi! Fili, lad. It’s alright. You are safe.’ Dwalin grumbles, his eyes still closed, reaching out blindly for Fili.

‘Dwalin?’ Fili rasps. He turns to see the familiar outline of Dwalin’s silhouette. ‘I thought you were Thorin.’ He says in ways of an explanation. 

‘Now, Fili…why would you flail away from your own uncle?’ Dwalin opens his eyes to look into Fili’s blue ones. 

‘I don’t know…he has not lain down next to me in years, Dwalin. He and Kili have slept side by side throughout this Mahal forsaken quest, and I wake up with him next to me. I think I dreamed him saying he loved me and we both know he does NOT.’ Fili argues peevishly.

‘Aye, I know he may have given you that impression, laddie, but he DOES love you. Much more than you know. More than I wagered.’ Dwalin muses at the thought of his lost bet with Nori. Why does that dwarf with the awful hair style have such good insights and instincts on these things, the warrior wonders?

Fili says nothing but looks at Dwalin questioningly. Changing the subject, Dwalin asks. ‘Are you hungry?’

Fili starts. He had not felt hungry until Dwalin asked him, but he is vaguely. He feels so weak. Just moving in the bed has him winded and drained. Fili nods his head. 

‘Good! I’ll have Bombur fix you something right up!’ Dwalin exclaims excitedly. 

‘Bombur survived?’ Fili asks surprised.

‘Oh aye. We all did. The only one in doubt was you, lad. Your uncle was a bit roughed up with his scrap with Azog, a few of the company had minor injuries, and your brother survived without a scratch since the dynamic duo of the elf pair showed up in time. The male elf took care of Bolg, and the female elf escorted Kili back down from Ravenhill.’

‘I know THAT.’ Fili says. Dwalin looks at Fili in surprise. 

‘You really remember?’ 

‘I remember him taking one look at me where I landed on my on the ground, and he raced away. Then later he waltzes down the stairs, arm and arm with the elf maiden and they both side step around me.’ Fili morosely.

‘He did?’ Dwalin asks, aghast. ‘I found you with Thranduil. I had assumed Kili had went down the other side of Ravenhill. He saw you lying there and did nothing? 

‘He was too busy with her to notice me, I guess. I remember feeling the blood pooling around me and then it begin to freeze. I closed my eyes and waited to die. I felt someone’s hands on me, and when I cracked my eyes, the elven king jumped a mile.’ Fili smiles. ‘Then there was incredible warmth and light as he pressed his mouth against mine and blew a deep breath in my mouth.’ Fili blushes at the memory. 

‘Ah, the elven breath of life.’ Dwalin murmurs. ‘Delivered by Thranduil, no less.’ The large dwarf grimaces. 

‘The what?’ Fili whispers. ‘Thranduil did WHAT to me?’ 

‘He saved your life, that’s what. Now, how about getting you some food, laddie.’ Dwalin smiles.

When Bombur had heard that Fili was awake, the head chef of Erebor had wanted to whip up a grand feast, but Oin cautioned that since Fili had not eaten in weeks, he could not handle a large, heavy meal. Warm broth, applesauce, some more hot tea would do fine the healer had said. Bombor had grumped about it, but he complies with Oin’s order. 

Dwalin had stayed with Fili thorough out the day, helping to feed him, assisting him when the lad insisted on getting dressed and out of the Mahal-damned bed, thank you much Mister Dwalin. At one point, Dwalin had had to look away from the skeletal frame of the lad, uneven bumps and bulges of Fili’s ribcage and the other bones where they jutted out from under his mottled skin. Then there was the terrible scar running the length of the lad’s right side. Dwalin shudders when he remembers watching Fili being stabbed from behind, being dangled like a piece of meat over Ravenhill for his uncle to witness Azog’s revenge. What kind of nightmares will haunt the lad’s dreams for here on out, the warrior dwarf wonders. 

Fili does not need nightmares to haunt him. He can relive the horrible events of that day in a constant loop. Dwalin does notice that the blonde shudders every once and while during the day and has that thousand mile stare that many a veteran of hard fought battles get. The bald dwarf tries his best to offer the lad distraction from his memories by speaking of what the other members of the company have been doing for the last couple of months. 

Fili feels so grateful to the large dwarf. Then when Dwalin’s brother, Balin returns at mid day, the blonde immediately offers an apology for screaming at the aged advisor.

‘It is alright, lad. You had a lot to sort last night.’ 

‘Still no excuse to shriek and toss things about like a dwarfling, Balin. I am sorry. I am just glad my uncle had left before I lost it.’ Fili says in relief, but he sees the quick look exchanged between the two brothers and his heart sinks. ‘Thorin saw?’

 

‘Not exactly. Thorin heard what you said.’ 

‘Oh…well, I bet he did NOT like that one bit.’ Fili mumbles, but he cannot find that he feels sorry for speaking the truth.

‘He was upset, for sure, lad. You will need to speak to him, yeah?’ 

‘I suppose, Balin.’ Fili answers wearily. The blonde is unsure how the conversation with his uncle will go, but he is not looking forward to it.


	12. Come rest, Thorin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili realizes that he is being a wee bit over-dramatic when he considers the entire situation and reins in it. Fili also realizes how exhausted his uncle must be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> really short chapter. short, sweet, more sleeping.

Fili figdets nervously as he waits for King Thorin. The blonde had taken a long nap in the afternoon, but he is rather exhausted from his first day on consciousness. His eyelids droop, and he rubs at a fist into one eye, trying to scratch the gritty feeling behind his eye. Dwalin chuckles at the sight as Crown Prince Fili looks very much he had as a small dwarfling, fighting sleep. 

‘What, Dwalin?’ Fili snaps, shooting his much larger cousin a glare, not dissimilar to the looks Thorin direct at cheeky subordinates, and THAT makes Balin chuckle. 

‘Thorin will be here any minute now, laddie.’ Balin says softly. 

Fili is so tired; he is not sure he is up for an emotional confrontation with his uncle at this hour. The blonde prince had thought he had put to rest the feelings of jealously and resulting pain years ago. Obviously not, he snorts. Fili had only fooled himself into believing that the apparent lack of any place for him in his uncle’s heart and affections had NOT hurt him, does NOT still hurt worse than dragon fire or Azog’s blade. 

Fili blows out a breath. ‘Can I talk to him tomorrow?’ 

‘Give your uncle a chance to explain, lad.’ 

‘What if is it a lie?’ Fili asks in a small voice. ‘What if it is just because Kili left?’

‘I….I don’t think so, lad.’ Dwalin says truthfully, but honestly, the warrior is not sure hundred percent sure of Thorin’s motivations with the abrupt turnaround on his longtime friend’s affections towards his blonde nephew. 

‘Balin…did your father treat Dwalin so differently?’ Fili asked unexpectedly. The sons of Fundin look at one another in confusion. ‘Did Fundin stop loving you while still doting on your brother? What about your uncle, Groin? Was he that way with Oin and Gloin? I mean….I KNOW Thorin is not mine nor Kili’s father, but he…he practically BECAME our father when… adad died. Why did he stop loving me? ‘ Fili is not crying, he is too tired to cry.

‘I never stopped loving you, lad.’ Thorin says as he comes into the bedchamber. He looks as weary as his nephew. After a couple of nights with little and no sleep, but still with a crushing load of responsibilities of rebuilding a kingdom to contend with, the king is simply too wrung out to explain further. 

Fili feels a sudden wave of shame as he looks at his exhausted king, his uncle. Here he has been lying about, while his uncle has been working himself to exhaustion for MONTHS to rebuild Erebor, and NOW the heir that is MEANT to be standing next to him, helping him rebuild, has nothing to contribute, but to carry on about how badly his uncle mistreated him? Great Maker AND his hammer, but Fili thinks to himself, I am as selfish as Kili. 

‘Uncle, you look terrible. Come lay down with me.’ Fili says gently. The statement takes the three older dwarves by surprise. ‘Here I am going on about me, only thinking about how much I hurt for past… petty slights. You must be SO tired, Thorin. Please come and rest with me.’

Dwalin and Balin exchange a surprised, but pleased smile. Both sons of Fundin help the slightly dumbfounded King Under the Mountain shed his royal garments, until Thorin stands only in his breeches and a light undershirt. 

‘Climb into bed there with your nephew. Get some well-earned sleep, Thorin. I’ll clear your schedule for tomorrow. You and Fili will have all day tomorrow to talk.’ Balin states firmly in tone which brooks no argument, not even from his king. Dwalin pushes Thorin towards the bed. 

‘Are you sure, Fili?’ Thorin croaks.

Nodding, Fill scoots over in the bed. Thorin all but collapses next to the blonde. Dwalin laughs outright and covers the king and crown prince with the bed clothes and fur covers. The two Durin heirs snuggle into each other and twine their arms round the other, raven hair mingling with blonde. Balin and Dwalin add to and stoke the fire before they leave the bedchamber.


	13. I want ALL of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin is having a wonderful dream. Fili is having a terrible nightmare. Once Thorin helps to pull Fili from his nighmtare, they end up getting a chance to speak plainly with one another for about a secret they both share.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, for the LONG delay in updating. Life has been a bit hectic of late, with a holiday out of the country, kids, works, etc.

Thorin is having the best dream, one where Fili is whimpering and writhing beneath him as he pushes himself again and again into his blonde heir. The dwarven king groans in his sleep as his cock pulses and twitches. The dream is SO real, SO very good. It is if he can almost hear his sister son’s moans of pleasure and feel the blonde buck against him. As the lust pools in his pelvis, Thorin can feel his stones tighten for his impending release. He moans Fili’s name. He wants to hear Fili scream his name. 

It is an actual scream, completely unexpected and absolutely bloodcurdling that tears the King Under the Mountain from his erotic dream. Thorin jerks awake in an almost pitch black room, trying to determine where he is , what is real and what is dream. Another scream, hoarse and terrified follows the first, and Thorin can feel limbs thrash feebly against him. Scrambling to light the bedside candle, Thorin succeeds in getting the small wick ignited. Turning back to the bed, Thorin can see his nephew indeed writhing and whimpering in the bed clothes, but NOT from sexual need, but from terror. 

‘Fili, lad! It’s alright. You’re safe.’ Thorin gathers the trembling form of his sister son in his arms. Another desperate cry leaves the boy’s lips when Thorin’s hands first touch him, but the king is determined to comfort his sister son and pull him from his nightmare. 

‘Noooo. Don’t watch. Go! Run!’ Fili moans and flails weakly. 

‘It’s me, Fili. It’s uncle. I have you. You’re safe. That vile creature cannot ever touch you again. I will never let anyone hurt you again. I promise you. I PROMISE you, lad. ‘ Thorin clutches the blonde against his chest. 

‘Th..Thorin?’ Fili stutters in confusion. He was not sure if he had been having a nightmare or was simply back on Ravenhill. He can hear his uncle’s voice in his ear, and he can smell Thorin’s scent and feel the strong arms around him, but he swears he had felt Azog’s blade against his back. In fact, he can STILL feel it pressing against his belly. 

‘You’re in bed. With me, lad.’ Thorin rumbles, trying to sooth the boy’s fears. 

Fili is finally awake enough to use one hand to push at the hardness jabbing him in his stomach. When the lad’s hand makes contact with Thorin’s erection, the king jumps and a small moan escapes unbidden. 

‘Oh…is that…uhm…I’m sorry, uncle.’ Fili flushes to his ears when he realizes just what he had mistook for Azog’s blade. 

‘I…well, actually, it is my place to apologize. I’m sorry, lad. I had been having a dream….’ Thorin trails off, unsure what to tell his nephew. 

‘A good dream, then?’ Fili smirks. He is exhausted from his nightmare and relaxes into Thorin’s arms. 

‘The best, I’ll have you know.’ Thorin huffs. 

‘I’m sorry to have interrupted it, uncle.’ Fili giggles. ‘Should I leave so that you can…finish?’ Fili jokes with his uncle, but he is surprised at Thorin’s quick, choked answer.

‘No.’ 

‘Thorin?’ Fili ask hesitantly. 

‘My dream was….I was dreaming about…me and you.’ 

‘Me?’ Fili squeaks in surprise. ‘What were we doing?’ 

It is Thorin’s turn to blush fiercely, but he does not look away from his heir’s blue, questioning eyes.

‘Oh.’ Fili breathes. 

‘I’m sorry to put you in such an awkward position, lad, but I feel I owe you the truth.’ Pulling away from the boy so that his throbbing erection was no longer pressed up against the lad’s taut belly, Thorin grimaces and shifts himself as he sits up to lean heavily against the headboard. He can plainly read wariness and confusion in his heir’s eyes. 

‘I have had thoughts of you that no uncle should have for his nephew. I’m sorry, lad. For many a year, I thought if I could just kept you at arm’s length, my…desires would subside.’

‘Your desires for…me?’ Fili mumbles, glancing down at the tented linen at Thorin’s groin.

‘Aye.’ Thorin growls and looks away ashamed by having his nephew find out about his inappropriate feelings towards him in such a manner, but also immensely relieved to have finally told the boy the truth. 

Scooting over to sit next to his uncle’s legs, Fili slowly pulls the linen down to expose just the heavy, leaking tip of Thorin’s arousal. Thorin groans at the sensation of the sheet sliding off his cockhead and the knowledge that Fili’s eyes are on it.

‘Lad, what are your feelings? Towards me? ’

It is the crown prince’s turn to be surprised. ‘You don’t know how I feel?’ Fili whispers. ‘I thought Kili had told you years ago and that was why you distanced yourself from me.’ The blonde ducks his head in shame at the memory. 

‘What in all of Middle Earth are you speaking of, Fili? What does Kili have to do with this…? He and I have NEVER spoken in regards…. 

Fili’s head snaps up. ‘He never told you about the time he caught me…’ Drawing in a deep breath to steady his nerves, Fili continues in as neutral a voice he can manage. ‘He never told you about the first time I had a dream… one of those dreams at night, you see? He woke up as I was reaching my peak and….I called your name?’ 

Thorin pales and gives a slow shake of his head. ‘No, Kili and I have never spoken about ANYTHING like that. I swear, lad.’ 

‘Oh…well, it was shortly after that night, you just seemed to…want to have nothing to do with me. I just assumed… Kili told you and you were disgusted by me.’ 

‘Mahal, NO! It was my own sick desires towards you as you matured into such a fine grown dwarf that I felt I HAD to protect you. From ME, do you understand, lad?’

Fili shakes his head in confusion and looks up through his eyelashes at his uncle. Thorin leans forward and reaches to brush his thumb along Fili’s cheek. ‘You have had those kind of dreams about me?’ The blonde nods. 

The dwarven king feels a smile break across his face. ‘Truly, lad? You want me in THAT way? As not just my heir, but as my consort and lover? Because I have long wanted you…badly, so very badly. You are always in my dreams. ’ 

A tentative smile twitches at the corners of the crown prince’s mouth. ‘As your consort and lover? Aye, I would want to be with you…in EVERY way, Thorin.’ 

Fili reaches up to cover his uncle’s large hand as it laid on his cheek. Thorin choked back a sob that threatens to well up within his throat. Seizing his nephew’s bicep with his other hand, the King Under the Mountain, pulls the young dwarf into his chest. Fili tilts his head up to gaze up into Thorin’s face for any trace of deceit or untruthfulness. Thorin gently bumps his forehead against Fili’s and staring directly into his sister son’s blue eyes. ‘I have been in love with you, Fili. For YEARS, but I was simply terrified that you find my desires for you to be terribly…unwelcome.’ 

‘Mahal, Thorin, I love you, too. Have been in love with you for so long. I never dared to hope that you could possibly feel the same way. ‘ 

Thorin presses a gentle kiss against Fili’s mouth, and the king is thrilled to feel the blonde return the kiss eagerly. Groaning in sheer happiness, Thorin pushes Fili back until the lad is lying flat on his back. Propping himself up on his elbows so that his keeps the bulk of his weight off the blonde’s fragile frame, Thorin must ensure where his nephew’s heart lies before he can continue.

‘Fili, are you sure? I would NEVER push you into something for which you are not ready.’ 

Running his hands along Thorin’s muscular sides, Fili moans. ‘Oh, Thorin. I AM ready. I want to give you EVERYTHING in EVERY way . ‘ 

‘Good, lad, as I want ALL of you.’


	14. A familiar voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin watches Fili sleep and reflects on his good fortune to have his blonde heir returned to him and that Fili returns his feelings. What could possibly go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long delay. No reason other than I had a terrible case of writer's block of where to take this fic, and I really have not felt like writing since August. This weekend, I had an opportunity to meet both Steven Hunter and Dean O'Gorman at DragonCon in the 'walk of fame.' Basically, many of the celebrity guests at DragonCon were set up behind tables in a large, hotel ballroom, and fans had a chance to chat with and get autographed photos (for $40 a pop) of their favorite actors. We happened to be there when both Steven and Dean were there. My two kids made a bee line straight to Bombur and Fili. Dean is the only grown man I've seen wearing overalls (you know, aside from farmers), but he IS a painter so maybe they are painter's overalls? Anyway, my kids were eager to show Bombur and Fili their Nerf ax and mace. We probably spent no more than 2 minutes with each one, but both were so friendly, warm, and kind. I cautioned my kids to pick only one photo of each, but Dean and Steven were like screw that, they both let them get the photos they wanted and signed them WITHOUT charging an additional $40 each. Truly, very nice gentlemen. I hope they had a good time in Atlanta. It was the first time I've been to anything like an event such as DragonCon, and I must say it was overwhelming.

Their first night together is a very gentle affair as the king is terrified of hurting Fili given his heir’s fragile physical state. Their lovemaking is a mix of soft caresses, tender kisses, and a slow rocking of hips. Thorin is thrilled to hear Fili moan his name into his ear over and over again as he pumps himself in and out of the blonde’s clutching heat. 

When they are finished, and Thorin rolls them over so that Fili lies sweaty and shivering, draped across his own heaving chest and belly. 

‘I cannot believe this actually happened.’ The blonde mumbles into the king’s chest hair. Thorin smiles as he brushes the damp, golden hair from his sister son’s face. ‘I know exactly what you mean, lad. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought we would be doing this.’ 

A tired, wrung-out ‘hmmmm’ is the only reply Thorin gets from his nephew, his heir. ‘Sleep, cherished one.’ The king murmurs, kissing the blonde head, and he pulls the bunched up bed clothes and furs over them and closes his eyes to drift off to a blissfull sleep. 

When THorin next awakens, he feels the wonderful warmth of Fili still on his chest and torso. He wraps his arms protectively around the small body and gently lays the boy on his back. A few, unpleased snorts are Fili’s response to his change of position, but the lad quickly falls back asleep. Thorin knows he has much to do, but he cannot bring himself to rise and leave the bed. Not when he thinks back how many times his young heir’s life had hung by a thin strand. 

Thorin sends a quick prayer of thanks to the Maker that he had seen fit to return the blonde to the world of the living, against all odds. Pushing himself up into a sitting position, the king is reminded of the many times during the quest when he had risen for his turn at the midnight watch, only to find himself seated by Fili’s bedroll to watch his sleeping heir. It was the only time he had felt he could indulge in the pleasure of being so close to Fili without the lad or anyone else noticing the very un-uncle way in which Thorin stared at the blonde. 

The king shakes his head and chuckles to himself as his foolishness. In all these years of rigid discipline and self-control in denying his desires, Thorin had been blinded to the fact that Fili was struggling with the exact same problem- how to deal with suppressing carnal desires for such a close blood relation. No, Thorin correctly himself mentally. While he had known and dealt to squash his impulses towards his oldest sister son, he, had NOT had to deal with pain of watching Fili freely give his affection to another. How would Thorin have reacted if Fili’s interactions with Dwalin or any other member of the company had more overt and physical? Not well, the king thinks. He frowns as he considers the pain he must have caused the blonde with the close and cossetted way he choose to deal with the younger of the two brothers. 

Thorin’s eyes move back to Fili’s face, and the king is surprised to see worried blue eyes gazing back at him.

‘You’re awake?’ He asks softly. 

‘Aye, wondering what you’re frowning about.’ Fili says quietly. ‘Do you regret….what we’ve done?’

‘Mahal, NO!’ Thorin states firmly and slides back down to lay on his side next to the blonde with this head propped up on one hand. ‘I am just thanking Mahal and his hammer to have you back, whole, alive, and awake. Then to have you lying naked by my side? Well, that is just the icing on the cake.’ 

Fili’s hand reaches out to stroke the soft skin of his uncle’s belly and Thorin’s breath hitches at the touch. 

‘Oh lad…what you do to me.’ Moans the dwarven king.

‘You could tell me. I would love to hear.’ Fili giggles, his touch still teasing and barely there, but he presses closer to his uncle’s body. 

Thorin jolts and starts at the sound of the door to the bed chamber being roughly yanked open mixed with the concerned protests of Dwalin and Oin along with another familiar voice. When the loud and wholly unwelcome trio jostle and stumble into the room, the king glares angrily over his shoulder at the intruders. 

‘You need to LEAVE, lad! Your brother is still healing, and your uncle is beyond exhausted.’ Oin bellows. 

‘My brother is DEAD, you dolt!’ Snaps the voice. ‘Now, where is Thorin?’ 

Thorin’s brain clicks the voice into place- Kili.


	15. Our bedchamber

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili does not get the response he expects from Thorin. Oin makes a suggestion that Thorin likes very much.

‘Oh thank Mahal, uncle!’ Kili cries as he sees Thorin’s gaze turn to meet his own and he rushes to the bed. Thorin protectively wraps his arms around Fili completely blocking him from view.

Ah, it would seem his youngest sister son has returned. The impetuous youth had barged into the healing chamber, oblivious to the words and actions of Oin and Dwalin to block him. Fully dressed in his muddied traveling clothes, Kili pushes his way to his uncle’s side, tears in his brown eyes, Kili presses his face into Thorin’s neck. 

‘Uncle…she left me! She had said we had real love, but she LEFT me…’ The dark haired dwarf wails. 

‘Not really a shocker there, lad.’ Dwalin huffs in annoyance and Oin just rolls his eyes. 

‘What do you know of LOVE?’ Kili shouts lifting his head to glare at the bald warrior. 

‘A good deal more than YOU.’ Snarls Dwalin menacingly. ‘You have no idea of the love I have lost in my lifetime, and I damn sure know love is not found overnight nor do I need to have someone else DEFINE what love is to me.’ 

Kili blanches at the large dwarf’s angry, dangerous tone and turns his face back to Thorin for the protection he knows he will find there. The youngest Durin had not had to witness much loss in his young life as the dwarves of Erebor had been much more settled and much more protected in Ered Luin during his youth. Kili cannot even say he can remember the loss of his father as Fethrin had been killed when Kili had been still a toddling dwarfling. His uncle had always been the doting father figure for the brunet prince, but the odd, cold look in THorin’s eyes unsettles the dwarven archer. 

When Fili raises his head and grapples with the bed clothes to finally emerge, blinking in the harsh lamplight from the open doorway, Kili fairly shrieks in surprise and dismay, and he flails wildly as he scrambles to get off the bed and away from the hallucination or ghost of his dead brother. 

‘Mahal, Kili! Could you keep it down?’ Oin growls in annoyance. ‘As I said, your brother is healing and your uncle is exhausted, let them sleep!’ 

‘But….but Fili is DEAD!’ Kili argues mulishly, staring into the unblinking eyes of his clearly not dead brother. 

‘The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.’ Fili mumbles. The blonde would have loved nothing more than to continue with another round of lovemaking with Thorin this morning, but with Kili’s return… 

He sighs resignedly, knowing that Thorin will rush to Kili’s aid just as he always has. Fili snorts in the absurdity of it, his brother is arguing the fact that he is dead, to his face no less. Ah, brilliant. 

‘Kili, you need to leave.’ Thorin deep voice surprises both brothers. ‘Leave now. We can speak tomorrow.’ 

‘But uncle, I need…’ 

‘I neither want to know nor do I care WHATEVER you may need at this moment, but I DO know is that I have the first clear day since that wretched battle, and I am plan to spend it with your brother.’ Gesturing with his hand, Thorin makes a shooing motion towards the door. ‘Now…on your way.’ 

‘You heard your king, lad. On your way.’ Dwalin says and bodily hauls the young dwarf from the bedchamber. Kili cries in protest and beseeches his uncle to reconsider the entire way out the door and down the hall. 

When Kili’s voice can no longer be heard, Oin turns back to the bed and tuts, shaking his head at the muddied and soiled bedclothes. ‘Up and out of the bed, lads. ‘ He barks. ‘These linens will need to be changed. How would you like for me to call for a nice, hot bath to be drawn for you in Thorin’s chamber?’ 

Thorin graces the old healer with one of his rare smiles. ‘That would be lovely, Oin. Yes, thank you.’ Turning back to Fili. ‘Can you walk as I could carry you if need be.’

‘Mahal, no! I can walk. To your bedchamber?’ Fili blushes, glancing up at Oin. 

‘To. OUR. Bedchamber. My. Treasure.’ Thorin grins broadly and kisses Fili’s mouth in between each word.


	16. Prove myself worthy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin and Fili in the tub.

The grand halls of Erebor, in a constant state of rebuilding, remodel, and reconstruction are busy even in the wee hours of the morning. Fili is overwhelmed by the hustle and bustle flowing around him and his uncle as they walk slowly towards the royal living quarters. Winded after the first several corridors, the blonde crown prince leans heavily upon his king. 

‘Can you make it, lad?’ Thorin whispers, bending his head so that his lips brush Fili’s ear. The blonde shivers at the intimate touch in such a public place, and he casks a worried look around to see if any of the dwarves hurrying around them noticed. 

Thorin smiles wryly and scoops the feather light dwarf up and into his arms. Fili gives a very unmajestic squeak in protest. 

‘I no longer feel any shame in loving you, Fili. ‘ The king rumbles. The crown prince gapes, open mouthed at his king for a hearthbeat before his face splits into a brilliant, dimpled grin. 

‘May I kiss you? In public?’ The younger dwarf asks shyly. 

‘I wish you would.’ 

Fili cranes his neck to press a chaste kiss to the corner of Thorin’s mouth. Thorin smiles at the tender peek. ‘I hope you plan to give me a better kiss than that when we get to our bedchamber.’ 

Fili cocks his head and purses his lips. ‘I’m saving my best kisses for somewhere other than your mouth.’ 

The dwarven king’s breath hitches and his nostrils flare in response to his young lover’s clumsy overture. Hoisting the young dwarf higher in his arms, Thorin hurries towards their destination. 

Kicking the door of his bedchamber open, Thorin gently deposits Fili onto the simple, but large, fur covered bed. The king turns to immediately thank the two chamber servants for preparing the bath so quickly and summarily dismisses them. Bowing low, the servants glance at the slightly disheveled crown prince on the bed and back to their king. 

Thankfully, Balin arrives to usher the confused pair out of the room, and he turns back to beam at his king and crown prince. ‘Well, I can see you plan to make the most of your day together.’ 

‘Aye.’ Thorin responds brusquely and begins to undress. Fili looks on with a mix of horror and lust stirring in his belly. Lust at the sight of his uncle’s muscled and tattooed body and horror at the fact that Balin does not seem to be leaving. 

Glancing back over his now bare shoulder at his long time advisor, Thorin asks. ‘What is it, Balin?’ 

‘Well…um…you are aware that Kili has returned?’ 

‘Aye, the lad has some bruised feelings it seems, but he can wait. Anything else?’

Balin shakes his snowy white head.

‘Well then, I will be otherwise engaged today, demonstrating to my heir how deeply my feelings run for him and he…he promised me his best kisses….’ The dark haired dwarf trails off and waggles his eyebrows. Fili wishes the bed would open up and swallow him whole. He does not dare look at either of the elder dwarves in the room.

Thorin laughs at Balin’s momentarily shocked expression, but the old advisor rallies and chuckles. ‘I see, I will leave you two alone then.’ Balin quickly departs and closes the door firmly behind him. 

Stepping out of his trousers, Thorin reaches for Fili’s legs and slowly drags him to the end of the bed. Pulling Fili’s sleeping trousers off, the king presses his mouth to his heir’s jutting hip bones. Helping his nephew into a sitting position, Thorin pulls the blonde’s tunic over his head. ‘Let’s give you a proper washing up, lad.’ 

The bathing chamber is steamy, and the water is hot and soapy. Fili groans as Thorin slowly lowers them both into the large, sunken stone tub. Taking the shampoo, Thorin lathers and rinses the blonde hair twice. He then starts on Fili’s torso. The young dwarf simply lies back and enjoys the sensation of his uncle’s large hands running over his body. 

When Thorin’s hand runs down his nephew’s belly to lather the blonde curls there, Fili moans and lifts his hips. After the king had soaped and rinsed his heir from head to toe, he lifts him from the water, wraps the blonde in a fluffy towel, and lays him down on the side of the tub. Then standing in the water and staring down at Fili, Thorin washes his hair and his own body. The sight of the lather running down his uncle’s hard body and his uncle’s heated gaze as it never wavers from his face, leaves Fili hard and aching for Thorin’s touch. 

‘Please, Thorin, please.’ Fili pants when Thorin takes his own heavy erection in hand and strokes himself slowly. 

‘I still want those kisses, but for now I want to kiss you.’ Bending his head to press his lips to the inside of one of his nephew’s knees, Thorin continues is a low voice. ‘There…and here and in here.’ 

The blonde dwarf gasps and writhes as he feels his uncle’s mouth on the inside of his thighs, on his stones and then jerks and wails when he feels a wet tongue on his entrance. The dark haired dwarf grins at his sister son’s surprise and obvious excitement, judging by the lad’s raging hard-on. 

‘Have you ever had this pleasure?’ 

Fili cannot speak, but shakes his head to and fro. 

‘Good, I want to be the first to give it to you.’ 

‘You already are.’ 

Thorin stops and gives his heir a confused look. 

‘Last night…I had never….’ Fili trails off, unsure of how his lover will receive this little bit of news. The young dwarf blushes in embarrassment. Now, Thorin will know that he, in fact, has NO idea about kissing lips much less all the other bits and parts. Fili is afraid his much older lover will be displeased with what he has to offer. 

‘Last night…was your first time? Ever?’ Thorin asks astounded. Fili gulps and grimaces, nodding his head. 

‘Truly?’ You have never lain with anyone?’ 

‘I’m so sorry to be such a disappointment, Thorin.’ Fili whispers, closing his legs and rolling onto his side. Fantastic, he thinks, I have gone and ruined EVERYTHING. 

‘Wha..what?! No! You have never disappointed me, Fili. It is just...you took my cock so well, so deeply…I would have never guessed it was your first time, is all. You were untouched?’ 

‘Aye, I always wanted it to be with you, only you, Thorin.’

The dwarven king feels his eyes prickle with tears at his nephew’s confession. ‘Thank you for giving me the honor, lad. ‘ He croaks hoarsely. ‘I can only hope I can prove myself worthy of it.’


	17. Let us look to a new day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin and Fili spend the day together. Bofur gives Kili something to think about. Later in the evening, Balin fetches Kili to Thorin and Fili's chamber.

After their bath and the subsequent round of lovemaking, the two sons of Durin rest and lounge on the furs of the bed. Now that the blonde crown prince and the raven haired king had opened their hearts to each other, they hold nothing back from the other. They spend the morning and long into the day sharing their most reverent hopes and greatest dreams as well as confiding their deepest fears, hurts, and regrets to one other. 

At first, Fili had been hesitant to tell Thorin the depth of hurt he had felt over the past decades at his uncle’s apparent lack of love and concern for his wellbeing, but once the subject had been broached, there was no stemming the flood of tears from the blonde. The king holds his heir close and lets the boy cry. He knows no words would take the pain away, only future actions would salve the injuries inflicted on the lad’s heart. 

‘I promise you, Fili, you are more precious to me than anything in Middle Earth. I intend to make sure you FEEL and experience my love and affection EVERY day henceforth. I make you this solemn vow, lad.’

The blonde sniffles and looks into his uncle’s eyes. He sees the regret and the firm conviction there. The tears dry and he gives Thorin a small smile. ‘I promise you, I will not let my petty fears and insecurities keep me from showing you EVERY day how much I love you. And how much I will work to see your dream of restoring Erebor to its previous grandeur for the safety and honor of our people.’ 

‘We will do it together, lad.’ 

‘Together.’ Fili hums happily and snuggles down under the furs to lie close to Thorin, resting his head on the junction of his uncle’s shoulder and chest. 

‘You were not at my coronation, Fili. I would like to have your coronation soon, once you feel up to it, physically. I want to tell the entirety of Middle Earth of the how my heir, the one I most treasure, defied death to return to me.’ 

The blonde smiles softly and kisses Thorin’s chest . ‘I would go willing to my death time and time again if it meant keeping you or Kili safe.’ 

‘Ah…your brother. I suppose we will need to speak to him. I AM heartened to see him returned safely.’

‘Aye. It sounds like he will have a tale to tell.’ The pair dozes, wrapped in each other’s arms, happy and content in the knowledge that having revealed the depths of their hearts and souls to the other had brought them closer together than any kind of physical intercourse ever could. 

 

As Thorin and Fili spend the day together, Kili sits in an epic sulk. The other members of the company did not seem much interested in his tale of woe about the red-headed elf maid and her betrayal. Bofur even has the cheek to say. ‘Really, you find her behavior surprising, lad? She abandoned her post, betrayed her king and kingdom to chase after some escaped prisoner? And why? Because she SAID she was interested to keeping Middle Earth safe, but only acted to see you safe- everyone else be damned? Sigrid and Tilda still want to skin her for leaving Bain, a child, behind to the flames of Laketown. HAHAHAHA! How much honor and loyalty would you expect from someone like that?’ 

‘What we had was real!’ 

Kili’s shouted exclamation sobers the usually jovial miner. ‘What was real, Kili, was the love your brother and your uncle had for you and you threw it away like as if it some useless piece of scrap metal. What was real was they needed you, you were NOT there.’ 

Kili clamps his mouth shut for a moment. ‘They don’t still love me?’ He finally asks, his bottom lip aquiver and tears shining in his eyes. 

‘Dunno, lad. They both almost died in that battle because just like that elf maid, you choose yourself and your own concerns over doing your duty and seeing that your kin was safe and taken care of. ‘ Bofur hefts himself to his feet. ‘I doubt they hate you, laddie, but you will have to work to regain their trust and frankly, the trust of the company. You left all of us, you know.’ And with that remark, the dark haired dwarf with the ridiculous hat saunters off. 

Kili hangs his head. He had not thought of the situation from someone else’s point of view. It is not a skill he employs often, if ever. 

As the day draws to a close, Balin finds Kili still sitting, still brooding. ‘Laddie, your uncle has sent me to fetch you.’

Kili leaps to his feet, his brilliant smile wavers when he sees the solemn look on the white haired dwarf’s face. ‘Is he upset with me?’ 

‘Well, I know he was not PLEASED when he found out you had flounced off, leaving your brother in the snow, but…’ Balin’s tone softens. ‘I, also know, that your uncle and your brother love you very much and may see fit to forgive you.’ 

‘You think?’ Kili asks hopefully. 

‘They have asked that you join them for dinner in their chamber.’ 

‘Excellent!’ The young dwarf huffs in relief and trots after Balin. ‘Wait….their chamber? They share living quarters?’ 

‘Aye, Fili is less than a week removed from lying unconscious in a healing chamber, but now, he shares Thorin’s chambers. ‘ At Kili’s confused look, Balin continues. ‘I think I will let THEM explain it to you, lad.’ 

When Balin knocks on the king’s door, there is no immediate response, but both the king’s advisor as well as his youngest sister son can hear the muted sounds that had been coming from inside the chamber, still. 

‘A moment!’ the king barks. That is definitely the sound of clothing rustling thinks Kili, wondering what in the name of Mahal’s beard is going on. 

‘Come.’ 

Balin rolls his eyes and pushes the door open. Kili finds Thorin seated at the table, laden with food. Kili starts toward him, but the youth pauses at the sight of his not dead brother sitting next to their uncle. Kili barely recognizes Fili, but for the blonde hair which is very rare among dwarves and the clear blue eyes. The last time Kili had seen those eyes was on Ravenhill, they had been open but staring unseeing at the time. He freezes and gapes at his brother. 

‘I look that bad, Kili?’ Fili asks softly, self-consciously. 

‘No…Mahal, Fili! I thought you were dead’ Kili finds himself crumpled to the floor, suddenly sobbing. ‘Forgive me. I should have NEVER left you.’ 

‘Kili, I told you I had it. I was mistaken. What happened was not your fault.’ 

‘No?’ The young dwarf asks hopefully. 

‘It was my decision that sent you two into that trap. We all made mistakes that day.’ Thorin says in a low voice. 

Kili nods. ‘I should have NEVER left Fili there in the snow. Even if he was dead, I should have gotten his body out of there.’ 

‘Aye, you should have, but….there are many things that ALL of us SHOULD have done differently…on that day.’ Thorin turns to smile at the blonde sitting next to him. ‘And on days long ago.’ Turning to share his smile with Kili, Thorin continues. ‘Let’s put the mistakes of the past behind us.’ 

‘Aye,’ The brothers say at the same time. Kili rushes to embrace Fili. ‘Mahal, but there is nothing left of you.’ He whispers aghast at the slightness of the blonde’s frame. He begins to cry again. ‘To think I left you behind for some elf who threw me over for the first ranger she met.’ 

‘She what?’ Fili asks. He cannot help but be a little curious.

Kili blows out his cheeks. ‘That ranger bloke, Striker, Strider, something like that. As soon as we get to Rivendell and Legolas is all like I must find a young ranger, a son of a good man, blah, blah, blah. Well, Lord Elrod was mighty DISPLEASED with us showing up, I can tell you, but here comes this ranger and guess what? He looks JUST like me. I swear…the same hair color and hair style, the exact same chin scruff, I mean he looks exactly like me, only taller, and the elf maid, she gets all swoony on him. Forgets all about me, drops me just like that.’ Kili snaps his fingers. 

‘Ah….she did seem to fall in love with you just like that.’ Fili points out. 

‘Still hurts, you know.’ Kili argues. 

‘Aye.’ His brother agrees. 

‘As I said, let’s put the mistakes of yesterday in the past. Learn from them, but do not dwell over long.’ Thorin rumbles. ‘Let us look to the new day and new beginnings.’

‘Aye!’ The two sons of Dis cheer in unison. Kili jumps to his feet and joins his uncle and brother at the table. As the three tuck into their meal, Kili asks. ‘So…anything interesting happen while I was gone?’ Thorin and Fili exchange a glance. Fili smiles shyly and Thorin answers mildly. ‘We’ll get into that later, lad. Let’s eat.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this little fic.


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